Secret Encounters
by The Sorrows of Arlathan
Summary: (A Pirate's Charm Prequel) What happens when two people fall for each other against The Maker's will? And just what exactly happened all those years ago back in Lothering? From the first moment Lana set eyes on Leliana, both their worlds were changed. Too charming for their own good, it proved difficult to stay away, beginning a tale of lies, deceit and maybe even love.
1. Chapter 1

**_Here it is, as promised! A Pirate's Charm prequel featuring Leliana and Lana. This idea has been in my head for a while now. While writing A Pirate's Charm, I myself became intrigued as to the nature of Lana and Leliana's past in Lothering, which I didn't mention much of before except for teasing you all with little hints here and there. As a result I feel the need to write this story before continuing on with Lana and Isabela's adventures together (sorry :P). You might notice a little change in Lana here, seeing her as a possibly a bit more mischevious than before? Considering this did happen ten years or so before where I ended A Pirate's Charm...But anyway, here goes! Chapter 1. Let me know what you think :D TSOA_**

* * *

The stars were out, twinkling silently in the midnight sky over Lothering, watching avidly as a secret tale between two of the most unlikely characters was currently being written. It was a bitter cold evening, the rest of the village having long since retired in doors, hovering around the nearest fire to keep warm, all but for the exception of two young women. Lying side by side on the straw-covered floor of a windmill, they stared up into the blackness above them through a hole in the ceiling, their chests rising and falling rapidly as they tried to catch their breaths. Neither could have anticipated what this night would have in store for them, and Maker, what a night it had been...

What had started out as a simple drink, had quickly turned into a seduction, though neither woman was entirely sure who had initiated it first. Was it the charming, flirtatious, promiscuous Hawke, who thoroughly enjoyed playing hard to get with women before taking so many of them to her bed and having her way with them? Or was it the mysterious, equally as charming, Chantry Sister, who had went against The Maker and succumbed to her repressed desires, reverting back to that alluring temptress she had once been, and had in fact been running away from since leaving Orlais?

Lana turned to the red-headed woman on her right then, unable to believe what she had just done (or 'who' she had just done for that matter). She had just violated another of her sister's female friends, touching them in places that were forbidden to most men, never mind another woman. And now she had violated Chantry law too. _Chantry women...?_ _Balls, I really need to gain more control over myself. _This time though, she hadn't been the only one unable to control her desires. Her eyes swept across the pale, sweating, naked body beside hers, which had been at her mercy only moments ago. A thin, shining, layer of moisture was seeping off Leliana's bosom as she heaved her little panting breaths, still momentarily lost in a passionate trance of satisfaction and exhaustion. Lana tried to ignore her increasing arousal at the sound of the Sister's irresistible moans. _This shouldn't have even happened in the first place...Shit...I'm in so much trouble..._

Leliana turned her head to the left then, seeing soft chocolate-brown eyes gazing back into her own bright blue ones. She could see the same disbelief in them, see the same incredulity that she felt inside herself, knowing that Lana was equally as stunned as to how they had ended up sprawled out on the floor of a windmill in all their glory, having only just met earlier today. After mere seconds of conversation they had then just shared possibly the most incredible night of their existence. Their arms brushed against each other slightly then, hairs standing on end. Strangely, both women retreated from each other, Hawke shifting away a little, even though they had rubbed more than arms only minutes ago. They both stared back up at the sky, wide-eyed, stunned.

Neither of them spoke...Where in all of Thedas would they begin? The only sound was of a distant wind howling outside, creating a shiver up their spines. Unable to stand it any longer, Hawke sat up slowly, placing her palms on the ground and easing herself into a sitting position, suddenly feeling a little awkward. She took a deep breath, her naked bosom heaving up, then down, stealing Leliana's reluctant attention once more. The Chantry Sister swallowed, her mouth watering at the sight of Lana's perky breasts, her nipples standing on end as a result of the cold. She wrestled with her growing arousal again, even after it had only recently been sated for the first time since she cared to remember. Hawke, realising that she was watching, turned her back on her and got to her feet.

Normally, after she had seduced a woman and had her way with them, she would creep out as they slept, not wanting anything more than a quick tumble between the sheets. It was better that way, preventing them from remembering her much when they sobered up, keeping the long kept secret of her sexuality safe (well, safer at least). Somehow though, Hawke had a feeling that she was in fact the one who had been seduced this time...and it was unsettling to realise how much of a hold that this beautiful Orlesian woman seemed to have over her in such a short space of time. Leliana was definitely not going to forget her face anytime soon, and she doubted she would forget hers in such a hurry either.

Leliana sat up as well then, feeling slightly ashamed of herself. She grabbed her discarded Chantry robe and held it across her breasts, shyer than before, avoiding looking at Lana now, who had started to put back on her wine-stained dress in a hurry. The Sister sat, staring at the ground, fingering the bits of straw beneath her, her senses coming rushing back. She had just betrayed the Chantry, and what was worse was that she had set out to intentionally when she went to that tavern tonight. The Chantry, who had taken her in, clothed her and fed her, and asked no questions of the repentant Orlesian bad girl who had appeared on their door step only a few months ago, bloodied and broken, a shell of her former self. A sickening feeling rose within her then as memories from her past, of what had happened to her in Orlais, overcame her once more.

Leliana got to her feet, wrestling down her guilt, and pulled the heavy Chantry robe over her head, letting it fall down to her ankles, covering her nakedness once more. Her head bowed shyly, she walked towards the door, just as Hawke did. Both of them reached for the handle simultaneously, their hands touching, sending chills down the other's spine. The two women looked at each other, still yet to utter a word after an unexplainable night. Hawke cleared her throat uncomfortably and stepped back, avoiding Leliana's eye and gesturing for the Chantry Sister to exit first.

The icy wind assaulted both women as soon as they set foot outside. The sun was beginning to rise in the distance as dawn approached. Lana closed the door behind her and hugged her arms around her slender frame, her dress unbearably thin. She glanced out at her surroundings, beginning to shiver. After a few seconds she turned back to Leliana then, both of them hovering at the door of the windmill as though wondering where they would go from here, or how they would even say something as simple as 'goodbye'. The Chantry Sister pulled a strand of red hair away from her face, and turned to Hawke, piercing those brown eyes again with her own. She felt her mouth water once more as her mind momentarily flashed back to the woman's toned, naked body pressed under hers, writhing and tensing with desire.

"Lana..."

Hawke's alluring gaze stunned her into silence. She needed to tell her this couldn't happen again, she needed to make her see that it was not because she didn't want it to, but because it was wrong...oh so very wrong. _Maker, what have I done? _When nothing came out of her mouth, she turned away, for fear of what would happen if she stayed any longer. Leliana began to walk back towards the direction of the Lothering Chantry on her own without uttering another sound.

Hawke watched after her, seeing her hold herself against the pounding of the wind, her short red hair flowing wildly in the breeze. She couldn't think of anything to say herself (which in itself was a very rare occurrence). Something had happened tonight however, something simply unspeakable, unthinkable even (lest her having many fantasies about lovely Chantry initiates). This was different, oh so very different from the many women she had brought to her bed in the past. Leliana was no whore, no wench easily forgotten about in the blink of an eye. From the first moment earlier today when Lana had set eyes on her, the woman had intrigued her. She was indeed not what she had seemed, certainly no drab Sister of the cloister. _That much is clear, _Lana joked to herself. Her thoughts turned sombre then. _But the fact remains...She's still a member of the Chantry. The same Chantry who would slaughter my sister in the blink of an eye, who hunted my father for years like an animal simply for having magic in his blood...and I've just violated my one rule about staying away from them all...Andraste's Ass!_

She smiled ruefully then, cursing herself, seeing Leliana disappear over the bridge, feeling that familiar sense of filth rise in her after she had had a one night stand. This time was unlike the others though. She felt ten times as dirty after breaking so many rules in the one night, both those of the Chantry and of her own, but found that it surprisingly wasn't as unbearable as before, when she had simply stumbled out of a brothel, smelling like whore. What she had just done was so forbidden that she didn't even know where to start to make sense of it all. Tonight had been interesting to say the very least. What tomorrow would bring would be another story indeed.

* * *

The next morning Lana woke in her soft bed, her nostrils being teased with the delicious scent of bacon frying on the stove. She heard her brother Carver being scolded in the other room by their mother as he ate his breakfast. By the sounds of it he had been duelling someone yesterday and had come off worst. _Maker, if this is what he's like at sixteen, can you imagine him when he's older?_ Hawke groaned and turned over under the covers, opening her eyes.

Bethany lay sound asleep on the bottom of the twin's bunk beds facing her. Seeing her little sister, guilt crept up inside her as memories from the night before with Sister Leliana entered her mind. She could still taste the sweetness of the woman's soft, pale skin, the faint hint of red wine on her lips as they kissed, the gentle, cajoling touch of her fingers as they..._Stop it, Lana! _Feeling bad for going behind her sister's back and lying to her about who she really was, was something that happened every morning after Lana had seduced another woman. She and Bethany had always been so close, but for some reason she just couldn't come clean about her sexuality. Their mother would never approve, and she feared that her best friend in the entire world wouldn't either. How could she take that chance and risk losing her?

Stretching with a groan, Lana got out of bed then, walking over to the stone wash-basin and throwing water over her face and arms, cleaning away the filth from last night, and washing away the last of Sister Leliana's scent that still lingered on her skin.

"Sister?"

Lana turned around to find Bethany had finally awoken. She smiled at her.

"Did you miss me?" she teased, winking at her before drying herself off, walking to the closet and pulling out clean clothes. Bethany rubbed her eyes and sat upright.

"Mmm...What time did you get back at last night?" she asked, swinging her legs off the end of the bed.

"I have no idea," Hawke answered truthfully, slipping off her dirty, wine-stained dress. _I have __a feeling the sun was up though._

"Lana, what happened?" Bethany gasped, lifting her discarded dress up off the ground and examining the giant red stains that would definitely never come out. Lana chuckled.

"Balls, it was a disaster, Bethany. I don't think Alison likes me very much anymore," she said, sniggering. Bethany glared up at her.

"Oh Maker, what did you do this time, Lana?" she asked grimly. He sister was too much of a joker for her own good.

"Nothing, Sister, I promise," Hawke replied, avoiding her gaze. _And for once I'm telling the truth..._ Those big brown eyes of her little sister always seemed to make her feel even guiltier than she should though. "Just...stay away from her for a bit, won't you?...Let her temper cool down."

Bethany sighed, "Fine," she said, knowing how Alison could be sometimes, "Mother was worried sick about you last night by the way. I told her you'd be alright but you know what she's like."

Hawke groaned, "She needs to stop stressing over me so much. I'm a grown woman."

"She knows that, but she still frets over the fact that the tavern is so close to the Chantry. I think she's worried you'll do something crazy when you're drunk and expose us all," Bethany joked.

Lana cringed. _Well, I definite did something crazy...though I only exposed myself._ She avoided her sister eyes, trying to forget about the events of last night (and failing miserably).

"Anyway, if you didn't stay with Alison the whole night then why were you still out so late?" Bethany pressed on, a little confused.

Lana hesitated. _Should I tell her? Maybe a little of the truth wouldn't hurt. _"I...Well, if you must know I...met Sister Leliana at the tavern," she said carefully, trying not to let her imagination run wild again as the Chantry Sister appeared in her mind once more. Bethany eyed her curiously.

"Really?" she asked, surprised. She giggled a little. "That must have been awkward. What did you do?"

_Maker, what didn't we do? _Lana thought to herself. She suppressed a laugh.

"Um, you know...talked and...drank." _And had the most amazing sex inside a windmill, you know, normal stuff!_

Bethany snorted. "Hmm...That's surprising. I got the impression you didn't like her very much when you met yesterday in the Chantry Gardens, and I know how strongly you feel about religious folk."

Lana chuckled and began to pull on a clean shirt. "Well, as it turns out Leliana is...a little different than most."

"In what way?"

_In the way that she stuck her tongue down my throat? _

"Um...lots of ways...We got along just fine, Sister. I was very polite, don't worry. I didn't do or say anything..._inappropriate._" _Except lick her in certain forbidden places and run my hands all over her curvy, tantalizing body._

Bethany seemed to relax then. Her elder sister could be such a deviant sometimes, sarcastic and witty, often earning her the ire of others...not that she ever cared mind you. Bethany sighed. Sometimes she wished she could be as carefree as her. At least Lana had been kind to Sister Leliana though. She was a nice lady, even if she was a member of the Chantry.

"Great!" she exclaimed excitedly then, "Then you can come with me to meet her again today. She sent a letter yesterday afternoon to say that I could come by for more stories."

Hawke hesitated, a clothes hanger slipping through her fingers. It fell to the floor with a clatter. She cleared her throat and bent down hurriedly to pick it up, lest her sister notice anything was off. _Balls...I wasn't expecting this. _She didn't much like the idea of facing Leliana again so soon after their secret encounter, especially after the way they had left things last night. Somehow she had a feeling that awkwardness would be the least of her worries. The effect the woman seemed to have on her was terrifying. She had never felt anything like it before in her life, but that wasn't what scared her. She was afraid about not being able to control her desires. Every part of her body was screaming to be touched by the woman once more, to touch her in every way possible like she had done last night, to have a repeat of their frolic in the windmill again... or in the Chantry, or in the Gardens, or...well pretty much anywhere! She was afraid that she would..._misbehave_, even with her little sister in attendance.

"Oh...I-I don't know, Bethany...I mean, when I said I liked her I didn't mean-"

"Oh please, Sister?" Bethany begged, holding her hands together and staring up at her cutely. "I think she's lonely. The other Sisters aren't very nice to her in the cloister. You should see the way they look at her. I think she'd like to see you again."

Hawke frowned then, "What do you mean?" she asked, interested against her will. "Why don't the other Sister's like her?" She couldn't imagine anyone not being enthralled by that soft Orlesian accent and the charming way with which Leliana spoke.

The smile fell from Bethany's face. "They're very condescending, Lana. They treat her like an outsider sometimes, because of her peculiar opinions of The Maker I suspect. I quite like her views actually, but you should hear how the others speak to her sometimes."

"And she just sits back and takes it?" Lana asked, pulling up her breeches and buttoning them before beginning to put on her boots. Sister Leliana didn't seem like someone who wouldn't stick up for herself like that. _Of course, I don't particularly know her very well, but she just seems like such a strong woman to let herself be bothered by aggravating Chantry preachers._

"I...I think she does, but not in front of me," Bethany said, "I mean I hope so anyway...Some of the comments are quite nasty. It also doesn't help that she's Orlesian. A lot of people here still hate them after everything that happened in the war."

Lana laced up her boots, "Bastards," she said, feeling sorry for Leliana despite herself.

"So you'll come?" Bethany pressed, as though she had convinced her. She smiled sweetly at her sister. Lana sighed and rolled her eyes. _Maker, how can I resist that face?_

"Fine!" she relented, getting to her feet. "As long as you're ready by the time I eat breakfast. Ten minutes, pretty thing."

"Yes!" Bethany exclaimed, leaping out of bed. "Thanks, Sis. Save me some breakfast won't you? Before Carver digests it all."

"Consider it done."

Hawke chuckled and winked at her, then left the bedroom, heading to the living area to hopefully get some of that delicious bacon she smelled.

* * *

Bethany walked alongside her sister as they took the dirt path through the mountains towards the village of Lothering. Her mind flashed back to a few years ago when they had found a mabari hound that had just given birth on the side of the road. Lana had brought her out to feed the dog some scraps from their dinner. She glanced out of the corner of her eye at her elder sister then, wondering why Lana seemed quieter than usual. Normally after a night out she would have some funny stories to tell or at least a tale or two of some drama that had occurred in the tavern. Today she seemed a little distracted though.

"Are you alright?" Bethany asked then, unable to take the silence anymore. Lana smiled at her, rescued from dirty thoughts of Leliana.

"Fine," she said convincingly. Bethany sighed.

"Sorry for dragging you here again," she said, "I know how much you hate the Chantry. Mother feels more at ease when you're with me though."

"She worries far too much," Lana replied, rolling her eyes, "I swear, you'd think we were all as dumb as a box of hair or something."

Bethany chuckled, "She's just a little insecure after Father's death. Let's humour her for a bit longer before bringing it to her attention."

Hawke sighed, "You're right. Maybe I'm too hard on her sometimes. I find it hard to feel pity for her though when she yells at me like she did this morning for coming home so late."

Bethany laughed again, "I think that had more to do with Carver than you, Sister. Did you see his face? He has a massive black eye and a busted lip."

Lana laughed as well then, "I know, I teased him about it during breakfast. Asked him who I should send the flowers to. He didn't take it very well."

"When does he ever?" Bethany asked, rolling her eyes, "You know how jealous of you he's always been, Sister. He says he wants to join the Kings Army. I think he's trying to outdo you and become head of the family."

Lana snorted, "Tell him he's welcome to it. I wish those damn recruiters would stop trying to enlist me every time I pass. Frankly I couldn't give a shit what exceptionable qualities King Calian thinks I have."

"I think you'd be a brilliant soldier, Lana," Bethany said, smiling at her.

"And _I _think I'd much rather spend my days drinking in the tavern with my friends and having one night stands," she joked, making her sister laugh.

"You have no shame," Bethany replied chuckling innocently and shaking her head.

They crossed over the white marble bridge that led into Lothering then. It was a warm, sunny day just like it had been yesterday. The little dilapidated village was alive with the hustle and bustle of farmers and noontime shoppers, browsing what little wares that the local market vendors could spare. They were shouting loudly, bartering with their customers and advertising what items were on sale. Just as the Hawke sisters entered the village a familiar face was spotted, browsing the fruit stall.

"Oh, shit! You're kidding me!"

Lana ducked down behind her sister, hiding behind her back, using her as a human shield. Bethany turned around, causing Lana to hold her firmly in place and face her forwards again.

"What in The Maker's name are you doing?" she asked bewildered, glancing back at her.

"It's Alison!" Hawke hissed, "I can't let her see me."

Bethany chuckled and allowed her sister to redirect her away from the sour looking woman who was now buying some oranges.

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you two?" she asked. Normally her sister never got embarrassed like this. It was rather amusing. Lana hesitated.

"Um...maybe when you're older, Bethany," she replied, smirking up at her. "Just tell me when she's gone, will you?"

After a few more minutes Bethany spoke.

"Gone, now get out from behind me. People are staring at us."

Hawke chuckled and straightened up, glancing over her sister's head to make sure the coast was in fact clear.

"Good looking out, Sis," she said, with a cheeky grin. "I tell you, the next time I see that woman will be too soon...and she'd better have bought me a new dress."

Bethany chuckled, "So she was responsible for those stains I saw this morning? I thought you'd just fallen asleep with an open bottle of red wine in your arms again like last time."

"Hey!" Lana scolded, slapping her on the arm as she teased. "I did _not_ fall asleep that time...I passed out...There's a difference."

"Oh, Maker I love you Lana," Bethany sang back, shaking her head and chuckling. "Come on. Sister Leliana will be waiting for us."

She reached down and took her elder sister's hand, leading them across the square along the small river and into the Chantry itself. Lana swallowed hard, trying to summon her composure in time for her first post-sex encounter with Leliana. She had no idea how this was going to go, and poor Leliana had no idea she was even coming. One thing was for sure though...Lana definitely wanted to sleep with her again, run her tongue along the woman's collarbone like she had last night, taste the sweetness of her skin, feel the warmth of her writhing, sweating body up against hers. _But I can't! Maker's Breath, it shouldn't have happened in the first place! Damn it, this is so bloody wrong! _

Taking a deep breath she reluctantly allowed Bethany to lead her up in between the pews, trying to ignore the numerous other initiates and the endless parade of statues of Andraste staring down at her. The way the Prophet was looking at her was as though she knew the dirty thoughts going through her mind and was berating her for defiling one of her priestesses. Hawke began to shake as she anticipated meeting Leliana's piercing blue eyes once more, both of them knowing what had happened. _Stop it! _Lana scolded. She pulled herself together then. _I'm being silly. _She was only going to listen to the woman's stories after all. It would be fine. There was nothing to worry about. It wouldn't be so hard to keep her desires under control...would it?


	2. Chapter 2

"Lana? Are you even listening to me?"

Hawke returned from her persistent, internal qualms about Leliana and turned to her little sister.

"What?" she asked, eyebrows raised, having not been listening to a word Bethany was saying as she chatted animatedly while they walked through the Chantry together.

"I said, I think we should check the gardens," Bethany repeated, wondering why she seemed so distracted. "The Revered Mother told me that Sister Leliana hasn't been seen all morning. Sometimes she talks walks around the Chantry Garden's though. We should go see."

Hawke swallowed over the lump in her throat then give her sister an uncertain nod.

"Ok..."

She had a feeling she knew why Leliana had been avoiding the Chantry all day. _I'm not the only one who broke some rules last night. _Feeling slightly relieved that she might not have to face Leliana at all then, Lana pulled herself together. Bethany gave her a suspicious stare, clearly noticing something was off now. Her sister never looked this uncomfortable before. Her flawless exterior had cracked open, revealing something that looked suspiciously like insecurity and obvious anxiety. She looked... flustered. It was as though she was in a whole world of her own. She could see Lana's eyes dart around the Chantry nervously, staring up at the statues of Andraste with a look of guilt on her face as though she was nothing more than a common sinner being brought to justice.

"Are you... sure you're alright, sister?" Bethany asked again, her eyes narrowing. Her elder sister had been extra quiet all day. It was so not like her. Normally she joked and teased (almost relentlessly so). Today though there was definitely something up.

Lana half shrugged and nodded again. "Fine," she said lightly, though not as convincingly as before, still looking up at the statues of Andraste that were overlooking the congregation of morning-time prayer givers and Chantry initiates.

Bethany continued to stare at her for several seconds then shook her head. Her concern made no difference. If something was wrong with her sister, she wasn't exactly going to tell her, was she? Hawke tended to keep her worries to herself, away from any of her family. In fact the only person she had ever really opened up to was her father Malcolm, but after his death she seemed to believe she had no one to turn to, feeling everyone depended on her rather than she depended on them. Lana was the 'suffer in silence' type normally. Sometimes it did her more harm than good, but why would today wouldn't be any different?

"Look," Bethany began quietly, pushing open the heavy side door to the Chantry and leading them out into the gardens, "I know you don't feel comfortable here, Lana, but just do this for me... Please? Leliana's stories are really interesting and...I-I feel much safer with you here."

Hawke sighed, "I know, I'm sorry. Don't worry, little sis. I have my daggers ready, just say the words. I'll kill any Templars that look at you sideways."

Bethany glared at her. "The funny thing is I don't even know if you're joking," she replied, sighing and shaking her head. "You and Father are so alike sometimes it's scary."

Lana chuckled and ruffled her little sister's hair.

"Shall I start calling you 'Sweat Pea' too?" she teased.

Bethany sung a hand out to hit her with, which Hawke dodged with a giggle.

When the two of them had exited the Chantry, Lana took a deep breath of fresh air as her eyes adjusted to the blinding sunlight. She hated how claustrophobic the Chantry always made her feel, with its overpowering incense feeling as though it was polluting her lungs and almost choking her into submission. Regaining her composure, she followed Bethany along the thin, rickety path that winded through the exquisite gardens. She glanced around their stunning surroundings anxiously, hoping and almost praying to The Maker himself not to catch a glimpse of that familiar red-headed woman who, like the Chantry, also took her breath away, though in quite a different, more inappropriate manner.

Hawke dragged her feet, causing Bethany to reach out and take her hand, leading her towards a row of rose bushes in the distance. There were birds tweeting overhead, flying gracefully through the clear blue sky. Lana found herself momentarily distracted from her preoccupations, her brown eyes following a particularly small looking bird as it glided gracefully after its mother, dropping ever so often as it learned to fly. A beautiful, relaxing voice was singing somewhere nearby, entrancing Lana so much that it lessened her anxiety for a few blissful moments, sending a chill of satisfaction through her body.

Suddenly Bethany's voice brought her back to reality.

"Oh, look! There she is!... Leliana?"

Lana's heart jumped into her mouth. Her eyes dropped from the sky immediately and settled on a vision of beauty a short way ahead, singing softly as she tended to some kind of twisted and gnarled root in the corner of the gardens. She realised then whom she had been listening to. Another shiver ran through her, not unlike the last one. _Maker, she sure can sing! _Golden rays from the early morning sunshine illuminated the pale skin and bright red hair, creating a breathtakingly beautiful image. Sister Leliana turned at the mention of her name and smiled kindly at Bethany, cutting off mid song much to Hawke's dismay. Her bright blue eyes flickered to her left then, finding Lana's brown ones staring back at her hesitantly. Her smile faltered slightly. Trying to hide her surprise, she distractedly brushed a lock of hair away from her face and dropped her gaze, bending back down to tend to the seemingly-dying roots at her feet. _Don't do that! _Lana cursed silently, watching, as even the thick Chantry robe Leliana was wearing seemed to cling to her curves in such a way that caused Hawke to become mesmerized by her perfect figure. Bethany felt Lana's hand tighten around hers.

"Be nice," she hissed in warning, taking her sister's muscle spasm as an act of dislike. All Hawke could do was nod, tearing her eyes away from Leliana's behind with great difficulty. She shrugged, staring down at her little sister in a what-have-I-done-wrong kind of way. Bethany rolled her eyes and sighed, dragging her along with her then, ignoring Hawke's seemingly reluctance.

"Good morning, Sister Leliana," she greeted her cheerfully, halting a little way off. Sister Leliana dusted herself down and straightened up, forcing a smile on her face as she stared down at the young, beaming girl before her.

"Hello, Bethany," she said kindly, in her sweet, gentle voice. "You're looking lovely today as usual. So pretty! I'm sorry I was not at the Chantry like we usually planned. Truth be told, I completely forgot that we had agreed to meet today."

Bethany giggled, "Oh, I wouldn't worry. We found you in the end, didn't we?...I think you know my sister Lana don't you, from last night?"

Leliana's eyes flickered to Lana's then away again, almost afraid to meet her gaze. She nodded slightly, dropping her line of sight with a timid smile, trying not to betray her true worry. Yes...Yes they had definitely gotten to know each other last night. Lana smirked, despite the obvious discomfort of the situation, as she saw a faint blush rise in Sister Leliana's cheeks. She knew they were both imaging similar scenes from the previous night, one very naughty one in particular.

Leliana glanced back up at her discreetly, silently questioning her with a raised eyebrow. _You told her?_

"I...told her we had drinks together," Hawke offered, after taking her fill of the woman's momentary embarrassment.

"Ah..." Leliana replied, clearing her throat. She tried to pull herself together. "Yes...Of course. It's...a _pleasure _to see you again, Lana."

This time Hawke couldn't hold back her smile. _I'll bet it is. _She bowed her head, trying to hide a small grin that was playing on the corner of her lips as she scuffed the ground with her feet. _Maker, this is awkward. _Leliana looked back at Bethany again, who was observing her sister's sudden... shyness? This was a first. Then she realised Lana was smirking, trying not to laugh at something instead. Bethany groaned.

"Anyway," she continued, nudging her sister in the ribs tactfully to try and make her behave, "I begged Lana to come along today to hear some stories with me. I hope that's alright."

"Oh...No, that's fine," Leliana replied, smiling at her, determinedly not looking at Hawke. "You know, it's such a nice day today that I wouldn't mind staying outside. What do you think?" The idea of sitting face to face with Lana inside, having to meet those enticing chocolate-brown eyes with both of them knowing what happened, made her shiver nervously.

Bethany smiled, "Of course! What a great idea!"

"We can take a walk around the gardens if you like?" Leliana offered. When Bethany nodded excitedly she took her hand and began to lead the way, pretending Lana wasn't there. "So, which story would you like to hear today then?"

Hawke followed a little way behind them, her eyes burning into Leliana's back, so much so that she was surprised the woman couldn't feel it. _Or maybe she can, _she thought to herself. The Chantry sister seemed to stutter more than usual, her poise having been shaken slightly by Hawke's mere presence. Lana's imagination went off on an adventure of its own as she listened to Leliana's soft Orlesian accent recall the tale of Alindra and Her Soldier for Bethany's benefit. She couldn't help but replace the male and female character's faces in her head with that of her own and Leliana's, remembering how Leliana's beautiful singing voice had captured her attention earlier, just like Alindra's had grabbed the attention of the soldier in the story.

Only after an hour or so when they had settled beside a little lake that ran through the Chantry Gardens, did Lana's awareness to her surroundings return. Leliana's voice was so captivating that she almost forgot to be nervous while listening to her. She placed herself down on a nearby rock then, shaken more than she would ever care to admit after having listened to Leliana talk about Orlais and subtly refer to the life she had lived there. She could tell the woman missed it dearly from how longingly for spoke of it. _Makes me wonder what she's doing here, _Hawke thought to herself then.

Bethany asked a few questions interestedly, before wandering off around the edge of the lake, skipping carefully in between the pebbles, leaving Leliana and Lana alone for the first time since last night. The Chantry Sister cleared her throat uncomfortably and approached the riverbank, gazing down into the trickling stream absentmindedly, still refusing to look at Hawke. The way they'd left things between them last night didn't exactly make it easy to start up a conversation out of thin air. It was clear that both of them couldn't wait to leave that windmill after having such passionate, breath-taking sex. Either of them could have cut the growing tension between them with a knife it was that apparent.

Leliana could feel Hawke's eyes on her back again. She had been sure the woman was observing her as they walked along the path earlier. Her words had occasionally become muddled and she had found it difficult to keep her voice steady while telling Bethany stories. Suddenly Lana appeared beside her, hovering behind her a little, hesitantly. They stood, almost shoulder to shoulder. She was so close, close enough that Leliana could feel the heat emanating off her, could smell her sweet scent that brought back distracting memories of last night. A shiver travelled the length of Leliana's spine, hearing Hawke's gentle, calming breaths. Lana glanced out into the distance with her, following the Chantry Sister's gaze.

"You thought I'd tell her?" she asked quietly, finally breaking the tense silence, staring out at her little sister in the distance. She was on the other side of the riverbank now. Leliana swallowed hard, still not looking at her, watching Bethany pick up a stone and chuck it into the river with a splash. Several torturous seconds passed between them, broken only by the light, chirping of birds nearby. Both women stood side by side, determinedly not looking at each other for fear of what would happen if they did.

"Why did you come here, Lana?" Leliana whispered hoarsely then, ignoring Hawke's question. Lana's jaw tightened. _Why did I come?_

"Because my sister asked me to," she answered simply, not pressing herself for more detail for fear of what she would find. Several more tense seconds passed between them.

"She's asked you to come before and you've simply said no," Leliana countered, still looking at Bethany in the distance, who was now scooping up handfuls of water and sprinkling them gently over some nearby flowers, smiling peacefully to herself.

"True."

Leliana turned to Hawke then, unable to keep her eyes away any longer. Lana reluctantly met her stare, both of them fighting with the desires that had risen in them last night. "So why now?" the Chantry Sister persisted, feeling as though she already knew the answer. Hawke shrugged.

"I... I don't know..." She replied, half-shrugging. When Leliana said nothing she added, "I guess...If I was being entirely truthful... a part of me wanted to see you again."

Leliana swallowed over the lump in her throat, seeing the genuine look in the woman's soft brown eyes. She had been afraid of this. She wrestled down the warmth rising inside her again, that longing to hold her in her arms once more, to be touched like she had been in that windmill. But it wasn't right. She had to fight it now. This was the life she had chosen for herself. She didn't want to become that person she had been in Orlais again.

"This is wrong, Lana," Leliana replied coldly, finally managing to say the words she had been holding back last night. "It should never have happened. This is as far as it's going to go."

Hawke snorted, and shook her head in disbelief, staring out at their surroundings. "Do you take me for a fool, Leliana? Forgive me, but it sounds as though you're trying to convince yourself."

Leliana hesitated, "I..."

"You came looking for me, remember?" Lana continued, glaring at her then, seeing where she was trying to go with this. Leliana's resolve faltered, her face falling as she knew Hawke was right.

"I...I know I did and...I-I'm sorry," she said sadly, her eyes fixed firmly on the ground, ashamed of how reckless she had been.

"Not just once, _Sister,_ but twice," Lana reminded her further, feeling a sense of injustice. "And even while I was on a date with another woman." The shame and filth was growing in the Chantry Sister's veins then, just as surely as anger was rising in Hawke's. She couldn't understand why she was the one getting rejected after having not even made any advances in the first place.

"I _know," _Leliana whimpered. "But...It's not going to happen again, Lana." Her voice was more firm this time. She finally got the courage to stare back into the woman's eyes.

"What isn't?" Hawke pressed jokingly, "The flirtatious advances or the sex?"

"Sshhh!" Leliana admonished, glancing around them nervously. She sighed, realising they were still very much alone thankfully. Bethany remained a safe distance away, chasing after a butterfly, giggling to herself, and the bushes nearby provided them with some limited cover. If anyone rounded the corner though they could hear every word they were saying. "We shouldn't be talking about this here."

"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it," Lana continued, oblivious to the danger. Sister Leliana turned back to her then.

"Would you believe me if I said I didn't?" she asked timidly, a playful grin appearing on her face. Hawke grinned back.

"Not at all."

The Chantry Sister giggled a little against her will. "You don't lack for confidence I see."

Hawke shrugged. "I'm just _that _good, Sister," she teased, her eyes burning fiercely as though daring Leliana to contradict her.

Leliana giggled again, rolling her eyes. _I can't argue with her there. _Her expression became sombre once more then, her resolve strengthening. She pushed fond recollections of last night to the back of her mind for what seemed like the millionth time today.

"Lana, listen to me...I'm devoted to The Maker, to the Chantry. You know I can't have a relationship with you."

Hawke smirked at her, beginning to run a hand up her arm flirtingly. "Who said I wanted a relationship?" she asked, a cheeky glint in her eyes.

Leliana's breath caught. She glanced down at the gentle fingers sliding along her sleeve, fingers whose touch had been so magical last night in that windmill, taking her to places that even Marjolaine's hadn't before. _Don't think about her._ She took a shaky breath, trying to ignore the overpowering effect Lana had on her. Every part of the woman's being seemed to demand Leliana's attention, whether she wanted to give it or not.

"You...you want what comes with one," she whispered back, losing herself in those mischievous brown eyes, seeing the desire rise in them. "And I've already broken my vows once, Lana. I will not do it again...So you should stop this chase you have going before it truly begins."

"I thought you didn't take any vows," Hawke challenged, her smirk becoming wider. She had her exactly where she wanted her. Her hand ran further up Leliana's arm, then along her shoulder, beginning to caress her exposed neck. She touched the side of her face then, caressing her cheek, knowing she was driving the Chantry Sister crazy with desire by just being this close to her. Leliana hesitated, caught off guard by the sheer boldness of her.

"I-I meant morals," she said then, correcting her poor choice of words, feeling flustered now. The gentle fingers caressing against her face swept her off to another world then, just as they had done last night. She closed her eyes, momentarily forgetting that they were still in the Chantry Gardens, and that anyone could be watching them. They weren't exactly completely hidden from view here, but because of that she found herself wanting it more. The danger enthralled her, as it had always done in the past. There were several seconds of silence, with only the gentle flow of the river nearby.

"I don't think I can stay away from you, Leliana," Lana breathed finally, glancing down at the woman's lips in anticipation. Leliana's breath caught.

"Well... I'm afraid you'll have to try," she whispered back defiantly, opening her eyes. Hawke was inches away from her now. Their bodies were pressed together before she even realised.

"Kiss me," Hawke whispered, leaning in slowly, closing the lingering distance between them.

"Someone could be watching," Leliana breathed back, her heart beating wildly as she stared down at Hawke's lips hesitantly, feeling her mouth water. This was insane! It was broad daylight!

"I don't care...Just kiss me..."

Leliana felt herself lean in momentarily, wanting nothing more than to taste Lana's lips once more. Suddenly, before they touched, she came to her senses. She reached up and reluctantly took Lana's warm hand from her face and lowered it with her own. She squeezed it tightly then, staring at Hawke seriously now. "No...I'm a member of the Chantry, Lana. I believe The Maker brought me here for a reason."

"And what reason is that?" Lana asked, sceptically. She had never had much faith in The Maker herself, especially when He apparently told her not to have sex when she clearly wanted it more than anything like Leliana seemed to right now. She was sure that this was no ordinary woman before her. After all, since when had an ordinary woman been able to peak her interest this much? No. Sister Leliana was more than she was letting on to be. She was hiding her true self behind The Maker and his Disciples. _I'd stake my life on it. _

Leliana's face seemed to change at her question. A tortured look appeared in her eyes and worry lines creased along her face. She suddenly looked a lot older than she was, and a lot more strained than she had been only moments ago. The woman released Hawke's hand and turned away from her, approaching the water's edge. She became lost in the flowing river once more, trickling along gently, sliding over the little pebbles beneath it and rippling downstream.

Curious, Hawke followed, hovering beside her once more and observing her face as Leliana refused to look at her.

"Why do you look so sad all the time?" she asked gently, remembering the Sister's face as she had drunk alone at the tavern last night. Leliana's expression hardened then, almost instantly. She shook her head.

"I don't want to talk about it... what happened to me," she said, her soft Orlesian accent wobbling a little.

"So that's why you're sad?" Hawke guessed, "Because of something in your past?"

Leliana's tortured look intensified. "My past has nothing to do with it," she lied, cursing her slip up. "Please don't try to get inside my head, Lana. It's not going to work...I'm not going to tell you anything."

"Yet you told me that you're lonely," Lana reminded her, referring to their conversation over a glass of wine in the tavern last night. Leliana's blue eyes met hers then and Hawke could see the same helplessness that had been there yesterday, seconds before the woman had kissed her unexpectedly. There was an emptiness in them, but one to which Leliana would never acknowledge, and Hawke felt reluctant to pry no matter how much she was tempted to. The woman's face turned impassive. She exhaled.

"I think you should go, Lana..."

Hawke hesitated. She bit her lip. "I think we should talk about this, Leliana...about what happened between us."

"There's nothing to talk about," Leliana snapped, turning away again.

"Wait!" Hawke exclaimed in an urgent whisper, grabbing her arm before she could walk away. She spun her around. Both their breaths caught as their faces hovered together, inches apart. Lana's mouth watered in anticipation, her eyes darting down at the Chantry Sister's sweet mouth. Leliana glanced down at Lana's lips momentarily as well, before meeting her brown eyes again. She could see the confusion in them, the hurt, and instantly wished she could explain to Lana properly the reasons for her seduction and her rejection, but she didn't have a real answer herself. Hawke shook her head slowly. "I don't understand, Leliana. Why did you go to such lengths yesterday to seduce me, only to reject me today?"

Leliana pulled her arm free and ran it through her hair, flustered. She backed away. "I-I...Don't question me! I am a woman and I reserve the right to be inconsistent."

"Inconsistent?" Lana repeated, frowning, "Yes, I suppose that could describe it. You barely even know me, Sister, but surely you must have noticed I'm a not person who likes to be used, inconsistently or not!" Hawke replied, shaking her head, her jaw tightening in frustration at the weak answer she had been given.

"I... I... I don't know what to say..." Leliana whispered helplessly, frowning with sadness. She had definitely been the one to initiate things between them. She had definitely kissed Hawke first, rather than the other way around. Yet, why? It was a question she simply had no answer to, at least no answer she was willing to give.

"You don't need to say a thing, Leliana. Your body language says it all," Hawke replied, almost seeing the inner battle the woman was having with herself inside. Leliana shook her head, inhaling deeply, trying to regain her composure.

"My time in the cloister is supposed to be a time of contemplation, Lana, not deceit and lies. I had enough of that in my old life. I need to occupy myself with thoughts of The Maker, and other... more worthy pursuits."

"'Worthy pursuits'?" Hawke snorted in disbelief. "...And what does that make me, Leliana? Unworthy? I certainly seemed worthy of your time last night."

Leliana sighed, staring at her with sad eyes. "Please...Just... let me go, Lana. I would hate to hurt you."

Lana shook her head. "I don't think I can," she whispered, staring at her intensely. "And I don't think you want me to either."

Leliana sighed in defeat. "Then I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed."

Without another word she walked away towards Bethany before Hawke could stop her. She exhaled, staring after her, knowing this wasn't over. She didn't much like being used like that. No matter what Leliana said, she knew the woman was lying to her, and more importantly to herself. That look in her eyes gave her away, no matter how much she wanted to bury it. Hawke waved at her sister, who had threw her a questioning look after Leliana decided she was leaving. She saw Bethany glance at Sister Leliana in confusion before waving back to her elder sister and walking with her to another part of the garden. Fuming, Hawke turned away and made her way out of the Chantry Gardens, walking through the Chantry itself and pushing open the heavy wooden doors a little too forcefully as she exited the religious dwelling into the real world once more.

Lana knew instantly where she was heading, relieved to have finally gotten that first meeting over with between herself and Sister Leliana, even though it had been something of a disaster. She began walking in the direction of the Lothering Chantry, deciding to kill some time there. Bethany would know to meet her here. It was where she usually waited out her story telling sessions with Leliana. _Maker, I don't even know why I bothered going to day. Bethany did ask me but...I mean, I suppose I could have said no...Maybe I should have. _Lost in thought she pushed open the door to the tavern and took up her usual stool at the bar.

"What'll it be, ma'am?" the bartender asked, scrubbing a dirty mug in his hand with an equally dirty-looking cloth."

"A pint of ale," she answered, brought back from thoughts of momentarily. She threw a few coins onto the counter and lifted the mug to her lips, taking a few much needed sips, feeling the froth tickle her nose. Swallowing with a satisfied groan, she placed the mug back onto the bar and wiped a hand across her mouth, allowing her thoughts to fall on Leliana once more.

The woman had been very adamant that the events of last night would just be a onetime thing, yet every time Lana looked into her eyes she saw unmistakable desire there. It was clear that Leliana regretted what she had done, and truth be told a part of Hawke did too. They had both went against their better judgements in sleeping with each other, but there was definitely something else drawing them together against both their wills. It was torturous, yet only Lana seemed to have succumbed to it so far. Leliana it appeared would take some flirting to make her see that this was what she really wanted. _This is not over, _Lana said to herself. She could see why Sister Leliana was holding her off, afraid of Chantry repercussion...but no one had to know but them. Lana smiled to herself then. She had held back today, as best she could, afraid of how Leliana would react. Now that she knew deep down that Leliana's resolve was hanging on by a thread, she wouldn't be able to stay away even if she tried. Hawke smiled to herself mischievously, remembering how flustered Leliana had gotten at her touch. She took another sip of her ale, remembering the events of last night once more. She longed for a repeat more than anything. Leliana wasn't the only one who could play the seductress. _Tomorrow, the real fun begins..._


	3. Chapter 3

_**I've been trying to condense the chapters of this story so as I don't get carried away and ramble on for another 270,000 words lol I seem to have a problem with writing short stories. In this chapter though I have reverted back to my original longer length though. I'd appreciate any opinions on if this seems better, as I felt myself that the two chapters before lacked... something.  
**_

* * *

"Oh Mother, do we really have to go? It's so boring!"

Carver frowned up at Leandra, holding his Sunday best limply by his side, his expression reluctant.

"You know we do, my darling boy. We must keep up appearances like your father always told us to. Your sister's life could depend on it," his mother replied.

In truth, Leandra herself hated these weekly Chantry visits they had been forced to participate in since settling in Lothering. Ever since leaving Kirkwall all those years ago with Malcolm, a few people in the village continued to eye them warily, as though still suspicious of their origins. Lana had frequently been asked about her mysterious family in the tavern as people never ceased to wonder why the Hawke family still lived alone on the dangerous outskirts of Lothering and not nearby the village for safety along with all the other homesteads.

"Don't worry your massive head, little brother," Lana said then, nudging his arm. "They'll be pretty girls there I'm sure."

"Pretty?" he repeated, his eyebrow raised. "_You_ think girls are pretty?"

Lana hesitated. _Shit! _"No," she said quickly, trying not to sound defensive, "But I know you do. So cheer up! No one's going to agree to go out with you if you always have a face like a smacked ass."

"Hey!"

"Lana!" her mother admonished as Carver swung for his older sister. Their mother held her head in her hands, chuckling to herself as Lana grabbed both Carver's arms to stop him swinging punches in his fit of rage. She was used to their messing. Maker, would they ever grow up?

"What?" Lana replied innocently, holding off her brother and smirking at her mother. "Well he does!"

"Shut..._up!_" Carver growled. "Maker, I hate you!"

"No you don't. You love me little Cari-Cari!" Lana teased, chuckling.

"Stop calling me that!" Carver shouted, trying to free his arms so as to hit her once more. Hawke laughed mockingly, grabbing her little brother in a headlock then as he tried to kick her.

"Oh, don't be such a moan, Cari-Cari. Suck it up and be a man!" she teased ruffling his hair, hearing his heaving breaths.

"I am a man!" he replied angrily, still trying desperately to cause her some form of bodily harm. "I'll show you!"

Leandra sighed then. "Alright, enough, enough," she said, separating the pair of them. Carver's face was burning red with fury as he glared at his older sister. He straightened his hair down flat again. "Now Carver, go put on your clothes like you've been told. You can't go to the Chantry like that... And, Maker's Breath, hurry up, we don't have all day."

Carver exhaled and glanced up at her before throwing Lana one last look of dislike then turning on his heel and slamming the bedroom door behind him. Lana chuckled and sat herself down on the nearby armchair beside the fire, resting her hands behind her head, satisfied. Maker, he was always so easy to provoke.

"You mustn't tease the boy, darling," Leandra said, placing herself on the opposite chair.

"Just doing my duty as an older sibling, Mother," Lana replied, a wicked glint in her eye.

"He's having a hard time living in your shadow, Lana," Leandra continued. "You know this."

"He's sixteen, Mother," Lana replied, shrugging, "It's about time he started acting like it. It has nothing to do with living in my shadow... though I do cast a curvy, pretty well-shaped one, if I do say so myself."

Leandra chuckled. "Maker, you remind me so much of your Father when you talk like that. You both have the same sense of humour. I'd swear those words had come straight out of his mouth."

"Why? Did Father have a curvy figure too?" Lana asked jokingly. Her mother giggled

Lana laughed too then, remembering. Malcolm's infectious laughter filled her head then, as she recalled his numerous jokes and teasings, not so different to her own. _And people wonder where I get it from?_ Her face fell then, her heart beginning to ache. "I miss him, Mother," she said sadly, imaging her father's face then. Leandra sighed.

"I know, dear...We all do. He was a good man," she replied, lost in memories of her own. "It seems ironic that the only tradition of his we can keep is his idea of attending the Chantry during worship days to keep up our cover."

"Hmm, yes. It's definitely not one of my favourites," Lana replied, grinning. "I rather liked the 'Friday Wine' one he invented a few years back though...Maker, I miss our little drunken talks."

Leandra smiled. "Well, I certainly don't," she stated, "The amount of times I had to clean up your mess the next morning when one too many had been drunk the night before."

Both of them laughed then. Almost every time without fail that Lana had sat down to share a drink with her father at least one of them had consumed a little too much and either thrown up everywhere or tripped over half the house as they made their way into bed. It was the only time she ever truly seen her father relaxed. Normally Malcolm spent his days fretting over Templar discovery and keeping his family, mainly Bethany safe. He'd lived a life in secret for so long that only on those rare occasions with his eldest daughter, when they were laughing and joking like there was no tomorrow, could she really see the person he was underneath all that stress and responsibility. Lana had a feeling that somewhere down the line she would feel the same, having taken over her father's place as head of the family when he died last year. It was a big ask, trying to fill his shoes, and Carver had envied her even since before Malcolm's passing. He would never make it easy on her, desperate to be the one to lead his family instead. Lana would gladly share the growing weight on her shoulders, but sixteen and a half was a little too young, and Carver's need to prove himself and his insufferable want for glory seemed to blind him to the fact that there was nothing glorious about this sort of role. It was a job for life, and a thankless one at that.

The other Hawke twin entered the room then, looking rather pretty. She was wearing a freshly pressed, dark blue dress, her long dark brown hair pulled into ringlets ready for their trip to the Chantry.

"Very nice, Sister!" Lana complimented, getting to her feet for a better look. "Are you trying to find a match today?" she teased, grinning. "I bet you've got your eye on someone, don't you?"

Bethany blushed. "Oh, stop it," she replied shyly.

"I should be asking you that very thing, Lana," Leandra said, getting to her feet as well and helping Bethany pin up her sleeves. "Am I ever going to see any grandchildren from you? You're twenty two, darling. Isn't it about time already?"

Lana hesitated. Normally her father would have protected her from her mother's persistent pressure. Though they had never spoken about her sexuality she had a feeling that he suspected hers was a little different than most. Her mother remained relentless though.

"I...Maybe," Hawke answered, unsure of how to respond. Truth be told, the thought of children had never really entered her head. _Or the thought of marriage come to think about it._

"Maybe?" Leandra repeated, shaking her head, "Maybe if you acted like a lady a little more often and stopped playing with swords so much you'd have a husband already."

"On the contrary, Mother, I don't play with enough _swords_...Maybe that's why I'm still single."

"LANA!" Leandra exclaimed, appalled, as her eldest started to laugh. "Maker's Breath! Could you try to set a better example for your sister, please?"

"What? She doesn't understand it," Lana replied, still chuckling. The look of confusion on Bethany's face said it all. _Ah, to be that innocent again!_

"I don't get it," she said, looking from her elder sister to her mother. Hawke chuckled again.

"I'll explain it when you're older, sweetness," she said kindly, patting her face. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

Carver re-entered the living area then, dressed in his best clothes finally. He sulked broodingly, looking down at his appearance with disgust.

"Blood of Andraste, I look like pompous little rich boy squire," he complained, glaring at his mother as she began to flatten his black hair down more and comb it to the side.

"At least _they_ know how to fight though," Lana teased.

A muscle in Carver's jaw twitched.

"I'm here all day, Lana. Anytime you want to try me, just say the word. I have a blade waiting with your name on it."

"Carver! Don't talk to your sister that way!" Leandra scolded, giving him a small slap on the top of the head with the brush as Lana chuckled.

"She started it!"

"Don't worry, Mother. I bet his blade's as blunt as he is. I'm sure it couldn't even cut through butter," she replied. "Anyway, shall we get going?"

"What has you so eager?" Bethany asked suspiciously. Normally Lana was the first one to complain about these Chantry visits they had been forced to take part, as much as she hated anything religious.

Lana winked at her. "Just can't wait to see Carver's attempts at flirting, little sis. Should prove to be very entertaining, don't you think?"

Bethany laughed and turned to her brother who was scowling and spiking up his hair that his mother had just flattened, hating her persistent love of giving him a side shade.

"It'll be entertaining when I give you a black eye in front of the entire village," he retorted, eyeing his elder sister with annoyance.

"Oh, is that so we can match?" Lana asked, clapping her hands together, "Who gave you yours, brother? I'd like to congratulate them."

"Alright, out! Before any more fights start," Leandra said quickly, before Carver could respond in kind. She began ushering her family outside, having finally reached the end of her tether. "Maker's Breath, don't both of you get into enough scuffles outside the family as it is?"

* * *

The four members of the Hawke family walked over the white stone bridge leading into Lothering from the mountains in their best clothes, seeing the crowd of Chantry-goers in the distance, gathered outside the building waiting to be allowed inside by the guarding Templars. Bethany quickened her pace and caught up with Lana a little ways ahead, shivering at the sight of the fearsome mage killers.

"So," she began, slipping her arm around her sisters and feeling at ease at once. It was amazing how safe Lana made her feel. "Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Leliana yesterday?"

Lana looked down at her, her eyes narrowing. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you just sort of...took off. I saw Leliana storm away from you at the lake. She looked...well she looked a little upset. You weren't rude to her were you?" Bethany asked worriedly.

"Not that I know of," Lana said, shrugging, "What did she tell you?"

"Nothing," Bethany replied, "Just that you said you were done listening to stories for today and wanted to go to the tavern."

Hawke smiled to herself. So Sister Leliana had assumed that would be where she went. _She thinks I'm that predictable? Oh Maker, I can't wait to see her today and prove her wrong. _

"Did she now?" Lana replied, as though a plan was forming in her head. Leliana wasn't exactly wrong, but that was beside the point.

"You...did tell her that, didn't you?" Bethany asked, a little suspicious. "Or did you two have an argument instead?"

"Oh, no, she was right," Lana lied, grasping at the premeditated excuse to avoid telling her the truth. "Sorry about that, little sis. I...guess I just got..._thirsty_."

Bethany chuckled, "Nothing new there then," she joked, "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Do me a favour though, won't you? Apologise to Sister Leliana? I think you hurt her feelings."

Hawke snorted. "That's if she has any," she mumbled quietly.

"What?"

"Nothing," Lana replied, "I'll think about it, sister. I doubt Leliana will be here anyway. She doesn't do normal Chantry Sister duties does she?"

The four of them joined the mass of people outside the Chantry as they queued up to be allowed inside. _Take one last breath of fresh air, _Lana couldn't help but think as she crossed over the threshold and entered the cold, foreboding stone building which was lined inside with hard wooden pews and numerous candles along the walls. The smell of incense burned her nostrils as usual. The statue of Andraste at the top of the hall glowed eerily in the candlelight, overlooking al off The Maker's children.

Leandra led her family into one of the hard pews and took a seat gesturing for them to do the same. Hawke couldn't help but take a quick glance around for any sign of Sister Leliana. She was nowhere to be found. The Revered Mother appeared at the altar under Andraste and began to address the all. Sighing with disappointment, Hawke turned her attention to her little brother beside her then. She grinned down at him.

"What are you smiling at?" he snarled. Lana chuckled.

"I'm smiling because you are my brother...and I'm laughing because there is nothing you can do about it!" she joked. Carver elbowed her in the ribs hard.

"Oof!" she groaned, winded, "Nice shot, little bro. I guess you're not such a pansy like I thought."

Carver grinned smugly, "Told you I could beat you," he mocked, as the Revered Mother rambled on to her avid listeners. "And look a pretty girl had just smiled at me. I think I'm going to enjoy this day after all."

Hawke followed his gaze, seeing a woman her own age with luscious blonde curls a few seats behind them grin at Carver, before turning her attention back to the front of the hall. "Who, her? Bit old for you isn't she?"

"What do you know about women?" Carver scoffed. Lana laughed.

"A lot more than you little brother, believe me."

"What do you-"

"Will you both be quiet!?"

"ANDRASTE'S FLAMING KNICKERS!" Lana exclaimed in surprise, as she and Carver almost jumped out of her skin. An angry pilgrim behind them had poked her head in between there's from behind and reprimand them. Her jaw dropped at Lana's reaction, as did several peoples nearby. The Revered Mother stopped speaking, as Hawke's voice echoed all the way through the silent Chantry.

"_Thank you_, Serah Hawke!" she scolded angrily from the altar at the head of the hall. Lana cringed as heads turned to stare at her. _So much for keeping a low profile. _Several people began to snigger, including Carver and Bethany. Her mother gave her a look of warning.

"Curb your foul tongue!" the woman behind them admonished in a harsh whisper, as the Revered Mother continued on with her preaching. "And pipe down please. I'm trying to hear to ceremony!"

Hawke tried not to laugh as Carver shoved his fist in his mouth, laughing uncontrollably beside her.

"Sorry," she whispered back. "Very sorry, ma'am."

She turned he face forwards again and pretended to pay attention, trying not to catch her brother's infectious laughter. Suddenly, as she scanned the Chantry hall her brown eyes found a pair of blue ones. Sister Leliana was standing in the far away corner with her arms folded, staring at her as the Revered Mother's words echoed off the stone walls. One of her hands was held over her mouth, hiding what appeared to be a grin, having evidently just heard Lana's outburst along with everyone else. Hawke felt her heart flutter at the sight of her. She gave her a small smile before Leliana looked away and directed her attention at the Revered Mother once more. Lana sighed and dropped her gaze, staring at her hands.

"Who's that?" Carver whispered, his laughter having subsided now. "The redhead who you were staring at...Is _that_ Sister Leliana?"

"Yes," Lana replied. Carver's eyes lit up.

"She's pretty," he stated, staring over at her.

Lana snorted, "She's a little old for you, Brother."

Carver grinned cheekily and her. "Age is just a number, sister," he said, "And I have charm and never-ending wit on my side."

Hawke sniggered, "You're sixteen! She's bound to be in her mid-twenties or so. A few years older than me."

"And?" Carver asked smirking. Lana chuckled at his unfazed expression.

"Maker's Breath, brother. Sometimes I think we have more in common than you think," she joked. Carver chuckled.

"Maybe you're right, Lana," he agreed.

They both sat awkwardly for a few seconds then. Carver threw his sister a weird look.

"Ugh...It's weird being nice to you," he said, frowning. "I think I prefer it when we fight."

"I know," Lana agreed, equally as uncomfortable, "...Mummy's boy."

Carver smirked. "Prude."

Hawke laughed, "I may be many things, little brother...but The Maker Himself knows I'm no prude."

Carver cringed, "Ugh! Keep it to yourself, whore. I don't want to hear about the men you take to your bed."

_Or the women I take to my bed I'm assuming, _she added in her head with a grin. _If he only knew. _

* * *

The Revered Mother droned on for almost an hour before Lana was poked awake by her mother and the mass of people began to get to their feet and file out of the Chantry. Hawke slapped Carver across the face to wake him and they both got to their feet with a stretch and a yawn. She followed her little brother out of the pew, as their mother rushed them in hurried whispers, not wanting to stay any longer than she had to.

"Move it! I've never been more embarrassed in my life!" she scolded angrily. "Maker's Breath Lana, you're supposed to set an example."

"I did!" Lana whispered back.

"I mean a good one!" her mother scolded, giving her a slap across the back of the head for her smart mouth.

Suddenly a hand reached out from the crowd and grabbed Leandra's arm. She turned around in surprise to see a Chantry Sister holding her, accompanied by two Templars in silver heavy armor.

"Can I help you?" she asked politely, her voice trying its best to return to normal.

"The Revered Mother would like to speak with your daughter, ma'am," the Chantry Sister replied gracefully.

"About?" Leandra croaked worriedly, her mouth having suddenly gone very dry.

Lana felt Bethany grab her hand instinctively. She edged behind her elder sister slowly, a shiver of fear running through her. Lana squeezed her back reassuringly. _There's no chance I'm letting them take you, don't worry._ Carver gave the Templars a menacing glare, flexing his muscles, which were incidentally an incredible size, making him look almost twice his age.

"It's about her insensitive comment earlier, ma'am," the Chantry Sister informed her. "There have been complaints from members of the congregation."

Leandra sighed with relief, "Oh," she replied, "Um...yes, sorry. Of course."

Lana felt Bethany deflate beside her. _Balls, of course it's about me. _She saw Carver try to pass of his earlier threatening stance as a sulk and exhaled shakily. _Maker's Breath, we didn't half overreact there, _she thought. Her mother gave her a look as she passed, thinking exactly the same thing and hoping they didn't just give themselves away.

"You go on," Hawke said grimly, knowing she was going to get a telling off.

"See you later, darling," Leandra said stiffly, trying to keep her voice steady. All of them had just thought their worst nightmare had come true. She ushered the other two towards the door quickly, desperate to get back to the safety of their home.

Hawke sighed and allowed the two Templars and Chantry Sister to escort her to a room in the right corner of the hall which led to the Revered Mother's study. Out of the corner of her eye, Lana spotted Sister Leliana who was now kneeling in front of the altar in prayer. Leliana glanced up at her for a few seconds, getting a wink in return, before bowing her head and muttering The Chant quietly to herself, a faint red blush appearing on her cheeks. Lana smiled to herself. The Sister ahead of her knocked lightly on the large wooden door and then opened it and gestured for her to enter. Taking a deep breath Hawke edge inside and heard it click closed behind her.

The Revered Mother was sitting in a chair at the far end of the room, poring over some religious documents. She spun around when Lana cleared her throat.

"Ah, yes! Our little blasphemer," she said condescendingly. Hawke almost rolled her eyes.

"_Please,_" she replied, amused, "You'll have to try harder than that to offend me."

"Offence was not my intention, child," the Revered Mother replied sternly. "Take a seat."

"I'll stand," Lana replied coldly. "To what do I owe the..._pleasure_?"

"I'd like you to ask for forgiveness for your earlier outburst during my ceremony," the Revered Mother informed her, "You took our prophet's name in vain, Serah, in front of an entire congregation no less."

Hawke snorted. "And you want me to what exactly? Grovel on my knees and demand to be smitten by the almighty?"

"I do not jest, _Serah_! And neither should you about such things that you don't understand," she replied offended.

Lana laughed, "Must all religious folk act so self-righteous?" she asked rhetorically. "I mean...Did you all just get together one day and decide, 'Right, we're The Maker's chosen. If we're not making people feel about the size of a pea with our words then we're simply not spreading The Maker's message as we should.'"

"Your glibness does you no credit," the Revered Mother said, shaking her head. "I had originally brought you here for you to issue an apology, but I'm afraid that your ignorance runs deeper than I thought."

"What a shame," Lana replied sarcastically, "Does that mean I can leave then? Or will you have the shiny tin men manhandle me if I try to?"

The Revered Mother observed her for several seconds. She got to her feet and began to pace the floor, pondering something. After a moment's pause she turned back to Lana.

"I would like to offer you a place here with us, helping out with the caretaking of the Chantry for your penance and working with the Chantry Sisters so as you can learn some respect for your Maker and His Bride."

Hawke actually laughed. "To the void with that! Are you serious, Mother?"

"I never joke, Serah."

Hawke sniggered, "Evidently, buy did you really think I would accept this? I can't even stand coming here on Sundays with my family."

"Yet your family seem very well behaved, even your younger siblings."

_Yes, my mage sister is very well behaved, _Lana joked to herself, _Oh, the irony._

"Don't you want to set a better example for them?" the Revered Mother pressed.

"Maker's Breath, why does everyone keep saying that to me?" Lana groaned. "Look Mother, if it's all the same with you, I'd rather not. So thank you for the offer, but no thanks."

The Revered Mother sighed in disappointment. "Well, at least I tried to do The Maker's work. I suppose you'll only have yourself to blame when you burst into flames. Let me know if you change your mind, Serah. The offer will remain open. I think it would do you some good. You have the exact persona of someone who needs to be saved."

"I won't and I don't," Lana replied confidently, "Good day, Mother."

"Good day, child."

Hawke rushed out of the room and closed the door with a snap. She exhaled, shaking her head. _Balls, I can't wait to get out of here. Now they're trying to recruit me? Them and the King. Maker's Breath, can't they all just leave me be?_

She walked away from the door and went to make her way down back between then pews. Just as she went to leave, a gleam of red caught her eye. Leliana was replacing the burnt out candles along the opposite wall to the left of the altar in the corner, and then lighting them again with matches. A huge, cheeky grin appeared on Lana's face. She glanced around to see if anyone was nearby, then, seeing none, changed directions, heading over towards her.

Hovering a little ways off, Lana folded her arms and leaned against the side of the altar nearby, admiring the view, her eyes tracing over the Chantry Sister's figure.

"You know, after I burst into those flames the Revered Mother just warned me about, you wouldn't have need for those candles anymore."

Leliana froze, her hang lingering on the candle holder. Her ears tingled at that charismatic, witty voice, causing warmth to spread through her body. She turned back to Lana, seeing her grinning, brown eyes twinkling enticingly.

"And, just who would clean your ashes off the floor?" she replied lightly, before resuming her duties then. Hawke sighed, pretending to think, running a single finger along her chin.

"Hmm, you could always just stick them in an urn and tell everybody they're Andraste's," she joked. Leliana smiled secretly, her back to the woman as she placed another candle in its holder beside the others.

"I doubt yours have healing powers," Leliana replied. Hawke snorted.

"I doubt hers do either," she retorted.

"Well you seem to be very well informed of Andraste's...body parts," Leliana said, a smile playing on her lips as she lit another candle, referring to her earlier outburst. "Her knickers to be exact."

Lana chuckled, "Not just hers," she teased, her eyes scanning the Chantry Sister's pointedly.

The smile fell from Leliana's face then. She turned to her again, her face impassive.

"Should you not be getting home now?" she asked bluntly, feeling her head fill with inappropriate thoughts even here in the Chantry. It seemed Lana would remain something of an enigma. Her intentions were clear, but she showed no sense of emotion other than desire. Leliana was once more intrigued against her will, and it scared her just as much as before. "If the Chantry's such a joke to you then leave. I'm afraid I'm too busy for this."

Hawke feigned offence. "Too busy to listen to the woes of a misguided child of The Maker?" she asked sarcastically, placing a hand over her heart as though appalled. "I thought you Chantry types loved to dish out advice...Maker, was I wrong?"

"Do you always tease this much?" Leliana asked quietly, glancing back at her momentarily before she put another candle in its place. "I respect the fact that you don't believe, but do you have to make a mockery out of those who do?"

"Teasing is part of the fun," Hawke replied. She took a few quiet steps towards her then and leaned over her shoulder. "The fun that comes before...other things," she whispered, her lips hovering close to Leliana's ear. Sister Leliana dropped the old candle in her hand to the floor where it split in half. She felt her face burn, knowing it had nothing to do with the lit candles nearby and became flustered by Hawke's presence just like yesterday. There was something between them that she couldn't explain. Nothing like when she thought she was in love with Marjolaine.

"I...I already told you, Lana," she whispered back, frozen to the spot. She swallowed hard. "It can't happen again...It was a mistake."

Hawke pulled away then and bent down, picking up a new candle from her collection and beginning to help her.

"You don't fool me, Sister," she said, grinning as she placed the candle in its holder. She turned to Leliana then took a final step towards her, placing her foot in the space between Leliana's on the floor. Their bodies were centimetres apart now, and very inappropriately so. Leliana could smell her honey-like scent, drawing her in. Breathing out slowly, Lana reached up a hand to take the matches from hers. Leliana's breath caught as she became captivated by Hawke's chocolate-brown eyes, which were smouldering as they gazed into hers, unblinkingly and flickering in the candlelight. She felt Lana's soft fingers then closed around her own, sending a chill up her spine as she then pried the box of matches from her grasp, her hand lingering there longer than was necessary. Hawke leaned in slowly then, as though to kiss her. She lingered for one torturous second before stepping back, as Leliana's head went light. Hawke took one of the matches out and struck it against the side of the box, throwing Leliana's face into a flickering shadow of light. She smiled seductively at her before turning to light the candle beside them.

"Regardless," Leliana whispered, finally regaining her voice. She was trying so hard not to let herself be fazed by Lana's advances, but it was proving more difficult then she could have believed. "The Chantry gives me peace, Lana. I'm happy here. It helps me forget my life as a bard."

Hawke froze. She looked at her, her eyebrows creased. "So that's what you did before this? You were a bard?"

Sister Leliana's breath caught. _Maker, I'm so stupid! _"I...have revealed too much it seems... But it doesn't matter what I once was. No one knows who I am here. My past is hidden, and... I would prefer to keep it that way, Lana."

Lana continued to stare into her eyes, serious now. "Even from me?"

Leliana's mouth went dry. She swallowed her response, knowing that it wouldn't be prudent to reveal how she felt when she had chosen this life for herself. It wouldn't do for her to falter anymore after nearly six months. Lana pursed her lips, realising then she was being played, and seen as Leliana's temptation to a life that she had loved and never wanted to give up in the first place.

"So, I see you are quite the little deceiver, after all," she said, her tone turning a lot colder. "Seducing people is what you do best it seems."

"Decided to gloat, have you?" Leliana asked, stung by her words. They were arguing as though they had known each other for years. _Why does it hurt this much? _Hawke thought to herself, confused. _We've only known each other for three days. _

She shrugged then, seeing she had been used and manipulated by the very best. "It simply suits my view of the Chantry that one of their devoted sisters should turn out to be so full of hypocrisy," she said spitefully.

"There are good people in the Chantry, Lana," Leliana replied, feeling the coldness emanating from Hawke now. Despite this, she could still feel some kind of chemistry between the two of them. It was this feeling that had drawn her towards Hawke in the first place, and it was in fact the reason that she was so reluctant to give into the woman's very effective advances. Her heart was still beating wildly in her chest. "Many good people are just here to help others."

"And apparently there are at least a few who are simply pretending to be good," Hawke said, disappointed in herself for falling for Leliana's well-oiled charm. "I always knew you preachers liked screwing people over...I just didn't think it meant literally."

Seething, Hawke turned and began to walk away. _Nice job, Lana. You brought that on yourself for chasing after her. _Suddenly a hand grabbed her arm roughly and dragged her behind one of the stone pillars, into the blackness. Leliana held her against it, her face just inches away, clouded in shadow.

"I told you I didn't want to hurt you," she breathed softly in her Orlesian accent, glancing around in case anyone else was watching their exchange. "At least I was trying to be better than I was, Lana. At least I regretted the evil I'd done... Better that than be someone who's never loved anyone or anything, least of all herself. Anything but that."

"So that's why you used me that night? To make yourself feel loved after your past deeds? Was I really just an aid to your vanity? Do you honestly think you're better than I am simply because you wear that robe, Leliana?" Hawke asked bitterly, in disbelief. "Well, you seem to have got the self-righteousness down pat, _Sister. _I see now why the Chantry took you in, despite your colourful past."

"I didn't want this to happen," Leliana hissed sadly, feeling her eyes fill with tears. "Maker, that's not why I slept with you at all, Hawke. I promise. I just..."

"No, I get it," Hawke muttered, feeling like nothing more than dirt on the bottom of Leliana's shoe. "You just wanted another taste of the life you'd left behind, and I looked like the type of challenge that you're used to."

"No, I-"

"Get off me!" Hawke snarled in a low voice, shaking out of Leliana's grasp. "I hope you got what you wanted...When you have another waver don't think I'll be there though."

She turned away, beginning to walk towards the exit, absolutely fuming, more so with herself than Leliana. _I can't believe I fell for her bullshit._ It wasn't like she wanted a relationship. Nothing like that at all. It just felt kind of nice back in the windmill, sharing a night with someone who it seemed had just as much secrets as her. She didn't feel so alone. Not to mention, it felt good to be pursued by a pretty woman rather than the other way around. All this secrecy about her sexuality weighed on her mind sometimes. Occasionally Lana would glance at men and women in the street, kissing or maybe holding hands, and wonder why it would be so unacceptable for her to do that openly in front of her family with another woman. Her father would maybe have been alright with it, but without him Leandra could never come to terms with something like that. She had been brought up in a well-to- do family in Kirkwall, bound by tradition and status. _Yet tradition didn't stop her from running off and marrying an apostate. _Still, something like this would definitely not sit right with her, and Lana was tired of being asked to set a better example for her siblings.

She exited the Chantry, allowing herself to appreciate the fresh air once more before beginning the long walk home. The scalding sun from the last two days had disappeared behind the dark rain clouds, which were now pouring down upon her relentlessly. After a brief spell of brightness, it seemed that the typical, gloomy Ferelden weather had returned, along with Hawke's feeling of loneliness. Little did she know that a few miles behind her, Sister Leliana was sitting on a wooden pew, regretting her words immediately and fighting with growing feelings of attraction for her. Everything was about to change, just as quickly as the weather had.


	4. Chapter 4

"...Lady Cecilie had a dog. A small one, bred to fit under the arm and in the lap. What did she name it... oh, yes. Bon-Bon. Oh, Bon-Bon was a terror, Bethany. He would hide, you know, when he saw you coming... And then he would attack your ankles. Razor-sharp teeth in the ankles... very painful!"

"Did he ever attack you?" Bethany asked, giggling.

"Oh yes! He attacked me once. Latched right onto my leg. I thought it was a diseased rat and kicked. Bon-Bon flew across the room and over the banister. He survived, but he never came near me after that."

Bethany laughed girlishly and swung off Sister Leliana's arm, happy and contented as she usually was when listening to her stories. She gazed up at her as they strolled through the Chantry gardens together during one of their story-telling sessions.

"What do you think of mages, Sister?" she asked curiously then, the question having burned in her thoughts for weeks. Leliana seemed different from most Chantry types. She couldn't help but wonder if she had a different opinion than them on the issue of magic. Leliana paused, considering the question, having never really done so much before.

"I think they have a rather special gift," she replied truthfully, looking down at Bethany's brown eyes. She didn't share such a closed-minded view like many of her peers here in the Chantry. Some of them were just downright cruel in their comments about the Circle of Magi she found. Unbeknownst to her, Bethany's heart lightened at her words.

"So...you don't they should be punished like the others do?" she continued then, waiting with bated breath. Her hands were sweating and her throat had gone terribly dry all of a sudden. She knew that she was being stupid in drawing attention to mages when she herself was an apostate living outside the Circle, and a member of the mysterious Hawke family who regularly hung around at the Chantry no less, but she simply had to know. Leliana seemed like such a nice woman. She just had to be sure if her niceness applied to people like herself.

"Oh, what do they know? They are just jealous," Leliana replied, smiling down at her. "I believe if The Maker gives you magic, you must use it. I've seen it before with my own eyes. They do it so effortlessly, those mages. It's like breathing for them. I wish I had such talent."

Bethany's heart warmed instantly then. She grinned widely, relaxing into Leliana's presence once more, relieved. "Oh, but you do!" she said excitedly, "You have your music, your dancing. You are more graceful than anyone I've ever met, Leliana. I think that perhaps the Maker gives us all magic... but of different sorts."

Leliana considered this. She found herself pleasantly surprised at the knowledge of such a young woman. Little Bethany's heart always seemed to be in the right place. She was so adorable. "I never thought of it that way, you know. I suppose we all have our little gifts, don't we? Back in Orlais, I knew a noble lady who was like most of the other noble ladies—fair of face and slow of wit. Anyway, Catarina had the most uncanny ability to tie knots in the stems of cherries, using only her tongue. It was very impressive. The men, especially, loved watching her."

Bethany giggled shyly. "Could you do it?" she asked interestedly. Leliana chuckled and ran a hand through her hair, brushing it away from her face in the wind.

"Maker's Breath, I didn't need such tricks to attract attention from men. I was much more efficient at flirting than she was, Andraste guide her."

Both of them laughed and settled themselves down onto a nearby rock beside the lake, relaxing in their favourite spot. It was a little chilly and still a bit wet from last night's rain but neither of them cared, least of all Leliana. It was the most fun she'd had all week. Bethany turned to her then.

"Did you have many suitors back in Orlais?" she asked fascinated. Leliana hesitated, wondering how much to reveal.

"Um...some," she replied coyly, "Here and there...never anything serious mind you."

"So, you've never been in love?" Bethany pressed eagerly. She saw a look of pain cross Leliana's face then and regretted her question immediately. "Sorry..." she finished in a soft voice, embarrassed.

"Oh, don't be silly!" Leliana replied kindly, hiding her woes instantly. She nudged her a little with her elbow, making her laugh and relax once more. "Yes," she answered then, "I have been in love...once."

"What's it like?" Bethany asked innocently, her eyes lighting up. Leliana cast her mind back, trying to remember. _What _was_ it like? _She'd had so many bitter thoughts of Marjolaine recently that she found it had to recall what their love had been. _One-sided...Definitely one-sided...I'm more sure of that now than ever. _Her face fell then as she realised what a naïve little girl she had been, not unlike Bethany beside her, though she seemed to be a bright child. At least she seemed to have the sense to ask before falling in head over heels without a safety net.

"Hard," Leliana replied truthfully then, sighing. Her heart still felt like it was being pierced by tiny daggers when she thought of Marjolaine. "Don't grow up too soon, Bethany. It's better to wait until you are ready for it...I wasn't when it came along...and I've made many mistakes in my life because of it."

"Oh," Bethany replied, "Sorry," she repeated. Leliana smiled and nudged her playfully again.

"Please, don't apologise. I understand. You were simply curious," she said, smiling. "Love is just one of those things that are difficult to explain, Bethany. You have to experience it for yourself...I just hope that for your sake, whoever you fall in love with has the sense to love you back. Mine didn't, but when I look back now I...suppose I'm sort of relieved. It would have hurt so much more right now if they had of...But you deserve a lot more than I ever did, Bethany. You're a very sweet girl."

Bethany smiled and leaned in, hugging Sister Leliana tightly around the waist. She could tell this was difficult for her to talk about and greatly appreciated it. "Thank you," she said, closing her eyes as Leliana wrapped her arm around her and chuckled musically. "Thank you for answering me truthfully. I never got a decent answer out of Lana on this subject when I asked her two years ago. I think she brushed me off."

Leliana's ears perked up at the mention of Lana's name then. She'd been hoping Bethany would mention her sooner or later. It had been so long since she had seen her again.

"Has your sister ever been in love?" she asked, trying not to sound too interested. She had a feeling she knew why Lana was playing coy with her sister on this one.

"Umm...She said she hadn't, but I got the feeling that she was having a conversation with herself in her head before she replied," Bethany said, remembering the long pause before her sister had answered her when they walked home.

Leliana didn't know how to respond.

"Oh," she said finally, "Well...like I said. It's quite complicated to explain."

"I still wonder if it will ever happen for me though. I've never even kissed a boy before," Bethany lamented. Leliana looked down at her in surprise. She herself had done much more than kiss at sixteen, but maybe that was just because she grew up in Orlais.

"Really? How come?"

"My...My father was very protective over me," she said truthfully, without revealing the reason why. "I had a bit of a sheltered upbringing compared to Lana."

Leliana chuckled, "Yes, you sister is a little bit too mischievous for her own good," she said, remembering only too well. Bethany laughed.

"She always was. She reminds me of how he used to be. They're very similar in a lot of ways, mainly how they protect me."

Leliana kissed the top of her head in a motherly sort of way. "You must miss him. At least you have your memories of him though. Strangely, the only thing I remember of my mother is her scent."

Bethany straightened up then, hearing the sadness in Leliana's voice. "Maker, look at us! We're supposed to be having fun aren't we?" she said, giggling. Leliana realised she was right and they both got to their feet, feeling the wetness from the bench soak into their behinds.

"You're right! Blood and damnation, come on then," she said with a chuckle, holding out her hand. "Let's go for another walk and I'll tell you more about Orlais."

Bethany linked Sister Leliana's arm once more and allowed her to lead her around the pantry again.

* * *

Leliana fought against the pouring rain as a thunderstorm raged overhead in the night sky. She made her way defiantly towards the Lothering tavern, despite knowing it was off-limits to her as a Chantry Sister. Earlier today, she had stripped off her robes in a fit of rage in her bedroom back at the cloister and donned the only plain dresses she brought from Orlais with her when she escaped (having been wearing it at the time). There were still spatters of blood on it but she didn't care. Checking the coast was clear, she had then crept out of holy ground and entered the real world once more. Something today had made her sick and tired of wearing that heavy, restricting robe and she caught herself wondering what she was even doing in the first place, playing the priestess with the others. She desperately needed a drink after the last few weeks and the other Sisters had noticed the holy wine had gone missing on several occasions from the cupboards in the Revered Mother's study. It wouldn't be smart for her to steal anymore. _Besides, I need something stronger anyway. _

Living in the Chantry was simply driving Leliana to the brink of craziness and boring her to absolute death, so much so that she had resorted to petty thievery and was desperate to see Lana again and experience some of that feeling of danger that came hand in hand with the woman. _I don't care if it's wrong, it's true! _She knew deep down that she was really just hiding away with the other Sisters, not wanting to acknowledge the terrible things she had done back in Orlais. _But they don't even want me there anyway. _It had gotten to the point now when Leliana had begun to have major doubts about her decision to change her ways (thanks to Lana Hawke no less). _Maker, the woman is a torture! I just can't get her out of my head!_

Since their argument in the Chantry almost two months ago, Lana hadn't been back to see her. Occasionally Leliana would take a walk around the village, hoping to run into her, but alas, she was nowhere to be found. Yet despite this, not a day went past when Leliana did not think of her with longing. Sometimes when she lay in bed in the cloister at night, staring up at the ceiling her hand would just..._slip_ under her nightgown, as her mind flashed back to that wonderful night in the windmill, causing her body to beg for more. She always felt guilty about it afterwards though, ashamed of the dirty thoughts constantly running through her head and the act of pleasuring herself in The Maker's own house and among His faithful.

Bethany Hawke continued to come for her visits, proving to be the highlight of Leliana's week. Any connection to Lana would do, but she actually enjoyed the young girl's company. Bethany was a sweet girl, calm and undemanding. For those brief few hours when Leliana told her stories, she found herself able to escape her situation and relax in her company. To her dismay however, Bethany apparently had nothing more to tell Leliana when she asked of her elder sister though. It was clear that Hawke had warned her sibling to leave any mention of her name out of all future meetings, having heard about their conversation of love and wanting nothing more to do with Leliana after her selfish seduction and coldness towards her. Leliana was adamant though that something more had made her kiss Lana that night. _It wasn't just to 'serve my vanity' as she had put it. _When she had spotted her with Allison that first night in the tavern, she had been severely jealous. Every time she was with Lana a light, tingling feeling rose in her stomach, slithering through her body like a snake, making her nervous and afraid yet thrilled at the same time. It had been so wonderful to experience that again with a woman (and a woman who was not Marjolaine, thank The Maker).

Reaching the door to the tavern, Leliana stopped, having a crisis of conscience then. This was insane! She was purposefully pursuing the woman now. _What if she's in there?_ she thought to herself, hovering outside the door. Her hand lingered on the metal handle. _She's bound to be. Maybe this isn't a good idea...But I really would like a drink. _

"Move it, Lady! In or out!" a drunk man grunted behind her making her jump.

"Sorry," she replied, taking a deep breath and pushing open the door without another thought.

The air inside was full of smoke, making her eyes sting a little. Many patrons were sitting along the bar, smoking pipes held their hands, talking animatedly or downing a much-needed pint after a hard day's work. Leliana felt suddenly aware of the numerous prying eyes on her, knowing that because her Chantry robe was gone now that she just looked like a rather pretty woman there for the taking. But she herself only had eyes for one.

Hawke was sitting with her back to her at the end of the bar, apparently the only one in the entire tavern not to have noticed the stunningly beautiful redhead enter. _Or maybe she's purposefully ignoring me. _Leliana's insides warmed at the sight of her and that feeling she savoured returned tenfold. How was it that Lana seemed to have such a strong effect on her merely by just being in the same room? _And when we touched it was even more magical._

Pulling herself together before her confidence betrayed her, Leliana began to make her way over to the empty chair beside her, every eye glued to her ass as she passed. She slid in beside Lana, not looking at her and smiled at the barman.

"A glass of champagne, please?"

"Champagne?" he grunted, "Where do you think you are, lady? This ain't Orlais!"

The entire tavern burst out laughing. Leliana felt her face go red. "Sorry," she mumbled, "I'll...I'll just have a whiskey instead."

The man nodded and poured her some golden liquid from a dusty dark green bottle and slid in across the bar towards her. Leliana handed him a few coins.

"And...whatever she's having," she added, nodding her head to Hawke on her left, still avoiding looking at her.

Lana downed her pint and got to her feet quickly. She grabbed her coat.

"None for me," she replied coldly, "I'm not staying." She began to walk away. Leliana spun around and grabbed her arm before she could. Their eyes met. Both of them froze, stunned by the other's gaze.

"Please," Leliana said sadly, her voice barely a whisper. She could almost read Lana's conflicting thoughts. Hawke swallowed hard, her expression remaining cold. She knew it would have been more in her benefit to resist, but found that she couldn't, giving in to those bright blue eyes that were shining with tears now.

"Fine," she relented, after a few seconds contemplation. A muscle in her jaw twitched before she yelled, "Another whiskey!" to the bewildered barman. He nodded, his face becoming bored once more, then slid another one across the counter. Hawke threw her coat back over the stool and sat herself down beside Leliana once more. Both of them stared dead ahead, taking a sip of their whiskey as the sexual tension eased its way between them like a wedge. It was becoming difficult to ignore now.

"You know...I almost didn't recognise you without your robe," Lana said, placing her mug back down on the counter. A smile appeared on Leliana's face at her words despite her discomfort.

"Really?" she teased, finally turning to look at her. "You're the only person who's seen me without it here."

Hawke realised her innuendo. _She's making inappropriate jokes? I thought that was my job._

"You know what I mean," she continued, trying her best to remain impassive. "Shouldn't you be at the Chantry?"

Leliana sighed. "No," she said finally, her true realisation coming to the surface.

"If you've come for another bit of 'soul-searching' from me then the answer's no, Leliana. I do have standards you know," Hawke said coldly. "There's just a certain point that I don't pass with people...and that point was a few months back."

Feeling uncomfortable Leliana glanced around the tavern. Almost every eye was still fixed on her. Some of the men were not even attempting to hide their gaze, unashamed of their gawking and ogling. She ran a hand through her short red hair then turned back to Hawke. "Do you think we could...move to a more private location?" she asked, suddenly feeling too warm despite the coldness of the tavern.

Hawke glanced over her shoulder and the men dropped their stares instantly, unwilling to make eye contact. _It seems my reputation precedes me, _she thought smugly. There were many in here who had felt her wrath before in drunken brawls. They wouldn't dare test her again for the sake of getting some ass from Leliana.

"Come on," she said, sighing, sliding off the edge of her wooden stool and bringing her drink and coat with her. Relieved, Leliana followed her over to the corner, the same hidden corner that they had sat in months ago and shared their first kiss incidentally. The two of them settled into a small wooden chair each, opposite the other, not oblivious to the familiarity of their surroundings. Neither knew what to say then. Lana stared into the bottom of her mug, swirling the whiskey around in it as both of them bathed in the awkward silence.

"Must they always stare?" Leliana asked, grasping for something to talk about. She felt a little more self-conscious than she normally would have done under the gaze of pervy drunkards. Maybe because the only person that she actually wanted to look at her that way seemed to prefer staring into her mug instead.

"Normally I just give them what they want," Lana replied, poking at a hole burnt on the tabletop now, determinedly avoiding Leliana's eyes. "A long revealing stretch here and there, occasionally a wink or a smile. Then they usually leave me to drink in peace."

Leliana sniggered. "And when they don't?" she joked, knowing firsthand how persistent some men could be.

"Then I spell it out for them with my fists," Hawke said bluntly, the muscles in her toned arms flexing to accentuate her words. For such a feminine-looking woman, Leliana realised that it was just for show. She was pretty sure that Lana could bash the head of every man in this tavern all at once. After all, it used to be her job to pick out the threats in a crowd when she worked as a bard. It was clear who the person to be feared was here, yet Leliana just wanted to reach out and touch her.

Silence fell over the two of them once more then. Leliana wished desperately that Lana would look at her already. She wanted to apologise for how she had behaved after their night together. It had been very immature of her to think that her feelings would just go away in an instant simply because she demanded them to. Love didn't work that way. She froze solid then, shocked by the notion that had just entered her head. _Love?...Could it be possible so soon?_ Maker, they had only spent one night together!

"So, you've left then?" Hawke asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. Leliana welcomed the distraction. Lana finally looked up at her then, seeing the sadness in her eyes.

"No," she replied, smiling wryly. "I guess I just needed...a break."

"Isn't that against the rules?"

Leliana snorted. "I think I threw the rulebook out a long time ago, no? Two months ago to be precise."

Lana smiled then, remembering it fondly. "And you what? Just thought you'd celebrate with some champagne?" she teased, unable to stop herself. Leliana giggled, embarrassed again. She felt herself relax into Lana's company once more. The chemistry between them was simply too breathtaking, too strong to be ignored for long.

"Haven't you ever tried it?" she asked, surprised. "I thought Ferelden's drank it too."

"Never," Lana said, "Though I wouldn't mind. I hear it's all the rage back in Orlais."

"Only among the nobles. The bartenders wouldn't waste it on the peasants and the riff-raff."

"And...did you spend a lot of time around these nobles as a bard?" Lana pressed, smirking. Leliana had a feeling she knew what kind of _time_ the woman was subtly referring to.

"On occasion...If that was what the patron requested," she answered carefully, wary of revealing too much about herself. She had been guarded for so long that it was hard to open up to someone. Especially someone she cared for, if past experiences were anything to go by.

"Killing them afterwards?" Hawke asked, interested against her will. This woman was so mysterious to her that she was dying to know more about her. Leliana's face fell. Lana hoped she hadn't pushed her luck.

"Again, it depended on the assignment. I did not enjoy it, believe me," Leliana replied truthfully. "I always killed my targets cleanly, wherever possible."

"Dying in the presence of a lovely seductress? I can think of worse ways to go," Lana joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere. She hated seeing Sister Leliana looking so sad. "I guess I should count myself lucky to still be alive then, shouldn't I?"

Leliana chuckled. "I get the feeling that you can handle yourself better than most," she said, grinning.

"I may be a good fighter, Sister, but I'm pretty sure I still have a weakness to poison like most people," Hawke joked.

"Good to know," Leliana replied, "Bards do like their poison," she added, smirking cheekily, raising her mug to her lips once more. The brown liquid slid down her throat, warming her insides, which were already scorching with desire.

"So...You're done dabbling in priesthood then?" Lana asked, taking a sip of her own whiskey. Leliana sighed and placed her mug back down on the rickety table.

"I...I don't know what I'm doing, Lana," she admitted grimly, her head dropping in shame. "There's just s-something about you...I-I like myself around you. I like how you make me feel. It's like you ...understand me...Maker, listen to me stumbling over my words. Some bard I am...I must sound absolutely insane."

Hawke reached out and placed a hand over hers then. Leliana looked up at her in surprise. "No," she said softly. "You don't. There is something between us, Leliana, right or wrong... I feel it too."

The Chantry Sister's face lit up. She stared into Hawke's brown eyes, seeing their sincerity. "You do?" she asked, surprised. Lana nodded slowly.

"I felt it the very day we met," she admitted, gazing into those bright blue eyes. "You're the first person who has come along that actually...I don't know...You just seem to be able to read me like a book, Leliana. Not many people can do that, least of all my mother."

Leliana smiled then, relishing seeing a softer side to such a strong woman. "You seem to be a very secretive person, Lana...I guess it takes one to know one, no?"

"Maybe..." she replied sourly, taking another sip of whiskey. Her secrets had been driving her crazy over the years, one of them in particular. And Maker, she hated lying to Bethany most of all because of it. How much longer could her guilt be contained? It felt like it was eating her alive.

"I wouldn't have thought you'd have fallen for someone like me," Leliana said with a smile. Lana tilted her head quizzically.

"Why so?" she asked, puzzled.

The woman shrugged. "I just never thought I would have ever been your type," she said, giggling. Hawke laughed too then.

"Why? Did you think I spent my days running around after pirates or something?" she asked. "Why wouldn't you be my type, Leliana?"

Leliana shrugged. "You just seem so sure of yourself, Lana...Whereas I'm a bit of a mess right now," she said sadly. "That's hardly attractive." Hawke snorted loudly.

"You think I'm sure of myself?" she asked in disbelief, "Maker's Breath, and here's me thinking you understood me, Leliana. I'm going crazy in this tiny village, can't you see that?"

Leliana frowned. "I find it rather peaceful actually...Compared to what I just came from."

"Why are you hiding that part of yourself, Leliana? It's who you are." Hawke said kindly, wondering why she felt the need to become so detached from her past.

"You are hiding a part of yourself too, Lana. I don't think it's the village that's getting to you," she said gently, staring deeply into her eyes then. Hawke felt as though she was looking right through her, making her feel more naked and more exposed than she had ever felt in her life (and she'd had plenty of experience in that area).Her jaw tightened.

"So you know?" she asked quietly, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she challenged the woman to reveal her most precious secret.

Leliana observed her for several more seconds. She nodded slowly then, giving her a sympathetic stare. "I do," she whispered. _I'd be a poor bard if I didn't. _"But ...doesn't anyone else?"

Hawke sighed and shook her head. She had never spoken about it to anyone, even those she had slept with. It wasn't unheard of, so why did she feel so...ashamed? She swallowed hard and retracted her hand from Leliana's, withdrawing from her. Leliana didn't need her to answer to realise the truth then. It was clear that Lana was very much in this alone.

"Why?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. "They're bound to find out sooner or later, Lana. It's nothing to be afraid of, believe me."

Hawke looked up at her, sadness in her eyes. "You don't know my mother," she said hoarsely. "She wants me to get married."

"You still can!" Leliana said, reaching out and taking her hand again to comfort her.

"And children?" Hawke continued with raised eyebrows, "Somehow I don't think so, Leliana."

Leliana sighed and squeezed her hand. "Is this what you want for your life, Lana? Or what your mother expects from you?"

Hawke exhaled loudly and slid her hand back again, feeling like she was letting Leliana get in too deep now. "I...I don't want to talk about this anymore," she said, clamming up at once. Leliana could get into her head far too easily it seemed. She had caught her off guard. Lana got to her feet, finishing the remains of her whiskey in one and slamming her mug back down onto the table.

"Don't," Leliana begged, getting to hers as well, seeing that she was ready to leave. "I'm sorry..."

Hawke met her gaze, feeling her knees go weak. "Please keep this to yourself," she whispered anxiously. "I'm...I'm just not ready for people to know yet. Not until I get my own head around it."

Leliana nodded, "Of course," she said kindly, giving her a small smile.

Lana nodded her head once in thanks, feeling a strange sense of trust in her. She put on her coat then and went to walk away.

"Lana...?" Leliana called.

Hawke turned back to her. Leliana slid out from behind her chair and walked towards her. She reached out a hand, brushing a lock of the woman's dark brown hair out of her face gently and tucking it behind her ear. Without hesitation, she leaned in slowly, eyes closed, and pressed her lips against hers softly. Lana's breath caught. She closed her eyes, savouring every second of the warm kiss before Leliana pulled away. Their faces hovered together, inches apart. Leliana smiled at her, exhaling slowly and gazing into her eyes as though staring into the very depths of her soul.

"...You're not alone," she whispered tenderly, holding her face in her hands. "I'm here for you."


	5. Chapter 5

Leliana had expected to see more of Lana since their first conversation that hadn't either ended in sex or an argument that night at the tavern, but she was to be greatly disappointed. Hawke stayed well clear of the Chantry and even her favourite place in Lothering over the next few months, and so did her sister Bethany, much to Leliana's dismay. With nothing else to entertain her, she found the days agonisingly dragging to a close, the silence and peacefulness of the cloister becoming torturously so. Against her better judgement she had returned to the Chantry and donned her heavy robe once again, feeling guilty for her relapse into that dark-natured side to her personality that she had developed when she was a bard. Marjolaine had certainly embedded it into her over the years she had spent at her side. It was a part of her now, invisible to most people who simply saw more of the lighter, sweeter side to her. But it was definitely still there, fighting to get loose against the shackles of a life of contemplation and reform.

Occasionally, as her mind drifted away with thoughts of Lana, Leliana considered taking a walk to the outskirts of the village in the direction of where she assumed the Hawke homestead was and maybe calling on her someday. It was killing her being this close yet so far away. She found herself just wanting to be around her. Somehow it made everything a lot more bearable. She never got the courage though. Instead Leliana found herself traipsing around the Chantry miserably, humming sadly under her breath, the cold stone around her reflecting the coldness she felt in her aching heart that was filled with nothing but loneliness.

"Sister Leliana? Are you with us?"

Leliana blinked several times, staring at the Revered Mother blankly. She hadn't been listening to a word, lost in thought once again as Hawke's sweet face appeared in her mind.

"Sorry, Mother. What were you saying?" she asked, brought back to reality with an unpleasant bump. Some of the other Chantry Sisters beside her tutted disapprovingly or shook their heads, giving her condescending stares.

"I was asking," The Revered Mother replied sternly, "whether you believe yourself to be above our Chantry?"

Leliana bowed her head, "I apologise," she said softly, "I do not. I was merely asked for my opinion by Sister Clarabelle on my views of The Maker and I gave it. I meant no offence, Mother."

"_I_ was not offended, child. I know where you have come from and read your letter of recommendation from Revered Mother Dorothea, requesting for you to be admitted into our cloister. However, some of your Sisters and Brothers were, and brought it to my attention. I think you have missed the point of our Chant unfortunately, despite having been here for almost a year. I confess myself...disappointed," The Revered Mother scolded.

Leliana's shoulders slumped. "The Maker looks into your heart, no? I believe it doesn't matter what your lips say as long as your heart is true."

The Revered Mother sighed, as her Daughters of The Cloth and Templar Knights shifted uncomfortably around her and mumbled their disapproval once more.

"Leave us," she ordered them, eyeing Leliana with concern as she stared down at her feet. The priestesses and Knights filed out behind her, throwing looks of disdain in the Orlesian's direction. The Revered Mother did not continue until they had left.

"Please, sit down, Leliana," she said, speaking softer now. Leliana approached the Revered Mother and lowered herself onto the small wooden chair facing her desk. The woman began to pace around her, her hands joined behind her back. Finally she looked down and addressed her once more. "Do you take me for a fool, child?" she asked.

Leliana met her gaze, "No, Mother. Of course not. You accepted me here when not many would have. I am very grateful."

"I am not blind, Leliana. I know you have visited the Lothering tavern on more than one occasion during the last few months, wearing your everyday clothes and drinking no less. Then there's the matter of the holy wine that has been going missing from my study for months."

Thankfully Leliana had through experience in lying to save her ass. She simply stared the Revered Mother dead in the eye, unfazed by her accusations. The woman didn't seem pleased when her words got no reaction.

"Have you anything to say in your defence?" she asked, leaning over the table towards her. Leliana nodded.

"Maybe you should not listen to Sister Clarabelle as often as you do. I think the woman simply enjoys telling tales on me," she replied smartly, keeping her cool. "She took a dislike to me the moment I set foot in this cloister, Mother."

"As did many others," The Revered Mother stated, sitting herself down on the chair opposite her. She was not oblivious to Leliana being regarded as something of an outsider. Sister Clarabelle had mentioned it on more than one occasion. "But not I, child. I accepted you into the fold, without question, as The Maker willed it. I know that your life before this wasn't a desirable one, Leliana, judging by the blood and bruises you were covered in when you showed up here just less than a year ago, yet I never pried. I would hate to think that you had betrayed my trust in some way."

Leliana's head dropped, ashamed of herself. She crossed her hands on the table and sighed. "I...I don't think I belong here, Mother," she said quietly, feeling her eyes sting. A warm hand covered hers then.

"The Maker has room for all, child," she said kindly, patting her hand then retracting her own and folding her arms, mirroring Leliana. "It is not anyone's place to choose if you are worthy or not...but worth is best when it can be proved, and I'm afraid you have not been doing that by spending your time drinking in local taverns...or by associating yourself with the Hawke family."

Leliana froze. She looked up at the Revered Mother, betraying her calm persona instantly. _She knows? _"What do you mean?"

"You have been seeing a lot of young Bethany recently have you not?" The Revered Mother asked. Leliana shook her head.

"Not really. I haven't seen her in months actually."

"And her foul-mouthed elder sister?" she pressed.

"Likewise," Leliana replied hoarsely, feeling a chill travel up her spine. _What's this all about? _She wondered.

The Revered Mother surveyed her carefully from across the table, as though searching for a lie in her words. Seeing none, she continued on. "There is something strange about that family, Leliana, especially where the eldest sibling is concerned. I have ordered the Knights to begin investigating them, but they have come up with nothing. Apparently no one in this village has any inkling of their whereabouts or indeed much about them beyond their names."

Leliana observed her carefully for several second. She noticed a shift in the woman's demeanour. "Why are you telling me this?" she asked, though she already had a small inkling.

"I think you know..." the Revered Mother replied, her eyes boring into hers.

Leliana swallowed hard. Her jaw tightened and her fingers clenched. "I've left that life behind me, Mother. I will not be used again...as your tool, or anyone else's."

"I am not asking you to spy on them, Sister Leliana," the Revered Mother said, correcting her before she got the wrong idea. "I would merely like you to tell me anything you know about Lana Hawke that would aid our Templar Brothers in their investigation."

Leliana stared into the Revered Mother's eyes, seeing the hunger for information in them. She shook her head slowly. "Then I'm afraid I must disappoint you, Mother. I know nothing about her that would be worth sharing."

"Come now, child. The Maker demands the truth off you when you put on that robe. Our job is to root out blasphemy in all corners of this world He has abandoned, with The Chant and every ounce of hard work and vigilance we can spare. Lana Hawke has been the most outspoken, blasphemer of them all in the last few months, and she is right in our very own congregation. I offered her a place among us a few months back, just like I offered you, yet she chose to refuse it. Now I must ask myself why?"

Leliana was stunned. "You offered her a place in the Chantry?" she asked. The thought almost made her laugh, despite the precariousness of this conversation. The Revered Mother nodded.

"After her disgraceful outburst during my ceremony that day, I realised she needed to be saved. Yet she turned her back on The Maker and His Bride, and in her ignorance she will amount to nothing, but I worry that she could become a threat to what we believe in."

Leliana snorted, "She is only one woman, Mother. Must there be such a big deal made of this?"

"_That, _Leliana, is exactly the type of thinking that you need to abandon!" The Revered Mother said sternly. "Andraste was only one woman, was she not? And look what she and her faithful accomplished."

Leliana bit her lip, unsure of how to respond. If she refused her, the Revered Mother would more than likely throw her out on her ass and she would have nowhere to go. _Maker, hypocrisy it seems is a massive feature of Chantry life...Lana was right all along to be wary of us._

"What is it that you ask of me?" she said, dreading the answer. She didn't like the thought of being blackmailed, but deceit was her middle name after all. Not to mention it would give her a pretext to spend more time with Lana, with the Chantry's permission no less.

The Revered Mother got to her feet and started pacing again. "Get friendly with her," she said, "Gain her confidence. You are a charming woman, Leliana. I'm sure like many she would find it hard to resist you...then report back everything you know about her to me, and I will use the information to issue orders to the Templars so they can fulfil their duty."

Leliana exhaled, taken aback by what she had been asked to do. _She wants me to be an informant? I can't do that! _Seeing no way she could refuse, she simply nodded and got to her feet, feeling rather sick all of a sudden.

"If I find out anything... you'll be the first to know," she said, not entirely sure that she wanted to go through with this. Without saying another word she turned her back on the Revered Mother and exited the Chantry building.

As soon as she was outside in the cold, Leliana lowered herself onto the low wall that surrounded the Chantry Gardens, her hand held over her heart. That had been an ultimatum, she was sure of it. Yet Lana was dear to her, even though she didn't know her that well. Could she even betray her like that? Despite her doubts over the Revered Mother's request, she couldn't help but feel that it would be easy to gain the woman's confidence though. The last time they had spoken, Lana had begun to open up to her. _Either that or I'm just really efficient at reading her thoughts._ But spy on her? Spy on her family? Bethany's kind face appeared in her mind then. _How can I do that to her?_

All of a sudden her eyes began to sting with tears. Maker, why did she always find herself in these types of situations? _I don't want to do this, _she thought miserably, feeling trapped. Lana's beautiful face appeared in her mind, the feeling of her pressed against her, the taste of her lips. She felt weak at the thought of spying on her like that. It appeared that everything Hawke had said about the Chantry was true. They were hypocrites, the whole lot of them. _Is it any wonder The Maker abandoned us? _She thought sadly.

The rain began to pour down on her then where she sat, pattering off her heavy Chantry robe and plastering her red hair flat on her head. She picked herself up and her feet began to take her somewhere else, without her putting much thought into it. She exited the cloister and stared up into the sky, feeling the cold drops of rain lash down upon her face. How had it come to this again? _Maker, I came here for peace. Must my past always catch up with me in some form or another? _Marjolaine was out there still. For all she knew she was watching her now, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Maybe her feeling safe in the Chantry was because she had lulled herself into a false sense of security. The Maker's arms were wide indeed, yet somehow they always seemed to miss her when her reach out towards His children. Instead Leliana found herself swept up in lies and more lies, so much so that she found it difficult to remember who she was anymore. She didn't want to lie to Lana on top of everything else. _Blood of Andraste, I care about her too much. This is not right._

* * *

"But I want to go, Lana!" Bethany yelled.

"No!" Hawke said firmly, "There were Templars scanning the mountains yesterday. I think they've been trying to find where we live, Bethany. I will not let you walk into that Chantry simply to hear a few stupid stories!"

Tears fell down Bethany's cheeks and she slumped onto the armchair in the living area, sniffing. Their mother was yet to wake up as it was still the early hours of the morning and Lana had just caught her little sister trying to sneak out after reading a new letter of invitation from Sister Leliana that had been slipped under their door by an unknown messenger. Regretting yelling at her, Lana crouched down in front of her and placed a gentle hand on her wet cheek.

"I'm sorry, sister," she said softly, "It's just... too dangerous. I love you too much to lose you. Don't you see that?"

Bethany met her eyes. "I do," she whimpered, "I really do, Lana...But I just hate all this hiding. I'm tired of it."

"I know, pretty thing," Lana replied, smiling sympathetically at her. "But think of the alternative. It would break my heart if you risked your life for something as trivial as stories and got taken away by the Templars. I would never forgive myself."

Bethany sniffed again as more tears streamed down her young face. "Why would you blame yourself? It's not your job to take care of me, Lana."

Lana sighed and wiped her face dry again with her thumb. "See that's where you're wrong, Bethany. It will always be my job to take care of you...You're my little sister."

Bethany smiled through her tears then, unable to stop herself. Lana smiled back at her kindly and gave her a wink. She straightened up, pulling her sister to her feet before wrapping her arms around her tightly and drawing her close. Bethany melted into her embrace and buried her face in her chest, sniffling.

"I love you, Lana," she whispered. Hawke kissed the side of her head.

"I know. What did you do to deserve a big sister like me?" she teased. Bethany chuckled in her arms.

They pulled apart then just as their mother entered the room. Bethany turned away and hid her tears, wiping her eyes dry with the back of her hand. She sat back down on the armchair. Lana turned to Leandra then, who had begun to rumble through the cupboards, searching for something to make for breakfast.

"We're running low on food," she said, pulling out the last of the bread loaf and all that remained of the cheese. She handed Lana a knife, who then began to cut it as her mother searched for plates.

"I can run into town today if you like?" she offered, slicing the bread and throwing it onto one of the pewter saucers her mother handed her.

"It's too dangerous, darling," Leandra said worriedly, "The Templars will still be on the lookout. We can't risk it."

"Maybe," Hawke replied, beginning to cut the small block of cheese into slices then, "But we can't hold out here forever either, Mother. We need to show our faces eventually and prove that we have nothing to hide...Not to mention that food doesn't grow on trees...Well, sometimes it does, but you know what I mean."

Leandra chuckled lightly and considered her daughter's proposal. She realised there was no choice then. "You'll be careful?" she asked, her voice full of concern. Hawke grinned at her.

"Always," she said, "I'll just grab my daggers. I won't be long."

She placed the knife back onto the counter and picked up her shiny daggers from a rack beside the door.

"Take my bag, darling. You won't be able to carry everything by yourself," Leandra said, getting her cloth bag and holding it out to her daughter. Lana cringed.

"Uh...Really?" she asked, looking at the bag warily and glancing up at her mother. Bethany chuckled. The bag was definitely that of an older woman (not to mention a crazy one). Leandra rolled her eyes.

"Maker's Breath, it's only a bag. You'd think I'd asked you to dance naked to the Rim of Gold!" she replied. Lana laughed.

"I would rather that than carry that bloody bag, Mother," she said, making her sister laugh again. "Seriously, where did you get it from? I doubt even an Orlesian would wear something as eccentric as that."

Leandra glanced down at it, as though not seeing its obscenity. "Your father bought it or me a few years ago," she said, confused.

"Oh, well that explains it," Lana said, chuckling along with Bethany, "I'm sure he picked the most disastrous looking one on purpose. You know what he was like!"

The three of them laughed, knowing she was right. Malcolm was a real prankster sometimes. Seeing her mother wasn't giving in, Lana reluctantly took the bag and threw it over her shoulder. _Maker, kill me now._

"Good. Now sit down and eat your breakfast before you go, darling. You need to keep up your strength," her mother said then.

Hawke chuckled and grabbed a piece of bread from the pile. "You know, I can walk and eat at the same time," she joked, making her way to the door.

"Well, seeing as you can't walk and drink at the same time you can understand her concern. Trying to walk you home from the tavern proved that," Bethany teased. Lana threw her head back and barked a laugh.

"Touché, little sis. With a mouth like that you're definitely related to me," she joked. Bethany giggled, looking pleased with herself. Hawke opened the front door then. "Don't wait up, Mother, and try not to worry. I'll be back when I'm back...unless I get arrested for blinding people's eyes with this bloody ridiculous bag."

She received a chuckle and a nod from Leandra then and blew a kiss to Bethany, who lay giggling, before closing the door behind her.

As Hawke made her way through the mountain path that led into Lothering she glanced left and right, searching for any Templar activity. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled as though she was being watched. Suddenly as she neared the village her eyes caught a glimpse of a glint of silver armor, shining in the early morning sun that was rising in the distance. Anger surged through her, burning in her gut and she wanted nothing more right now than to run the man through with her blade, but she kept her composure. _That would only bring more of them_. Seething, and pretending she hadn't noticed her pursuer, she continued on over the white stone bridge and into the village for the first time in months.

Lothering was abuzz with early morning shoppers and provided a big enough crowd for Lana to lose herself in and shake off her tail. She weaved in and out of the market stalls, looking up every so often to check that he was gone. She still didn't know what it was all about. Why was the Chantry suddenly hunting her family? Was it possible they knew about Bethany? Just as Hawke rounded another stall, she collided with someone, having not been looking where she was going. Groceries went flying everywhere, showering the figure on the ground.

"Oh! Shit, I'm so sorry!" Hawke exclaimed, reaching down to help the woman to her feet. She froze then.

"Maker's Breath don't you look where you're-Oh...Hawke."

_Balls! _She had just run straight into her worst nightmare (quite literally).

"Allison..." Lana replied, shifting her weight awkwardly and retracting her hand from the woman's waist. She stepped back and cleared her throat. The woman glared at her, watching Lana stoop to pick up her food and thrust it into her arms.

"I might have known you'd come grovelling back," Allison said spitefully, still not having forgave her for that disastrous date despite many months having passed since. Lana gave her a weird look.

"I'm...not," she said, trying not to laugh.

"So, you just happen to walk into me, of all people, in this massive crowd?" Allison asked sceptically. Hawke snorted.

"I know. The Maker it seems has cursed me with bad luck for today," she joked. The woman looked furious.

"I hope you enjoyed your Chantry Sister that night, Lana Hawke, because you've missed your shot with me forever."

Lana swallowed a laugh. "What a shame," she replied sarcastically. "But you know, as the saying goes...there's plenty more fish in the sea...if you know what I mean."

Allison groaned. "Maker, you're disgusting!" she spat, noticing the extremely crude innuendo.

"I know," Lana replied, smiling smugly. "Do you like my bag?"

She held up her mother's horrible shopping bag. Allison's reaction said it all. She shook her head and cast her a dirty look before walking away furiously. Lana burst out laughing as she watched her go. _Well, that was a lot more entertaining than I thought it would be. _She glanced down at the bag at her side and patted it appreciatively then. _Hmm, I guess its multi-purpose, _she joked, _'The Women Repeller'...I think I rather like it now. _Still chuckling to herself, she began walking again and started to browse the market stalls for food to bring back to her family.

As she browsed the delicacies before her, she found herself glancing up at the Chantry every so often, her mind falling on Leliana. The months without seeing her had been confusing indeed. Never before had a single woman dominated he thoughts like this. _And she knows, _Lana couldn't help but think. Even though she still hadn't spoken openly of her sexuality to anyone, Leliana it seemed had discovered it on her own. That last kiss before they had departed had brought Lana much comfort during the last few months, despite her sleep being tortured with sexual fantasies and dreams involving the Chantry Sister._ It would never have worked out though, _Lana thought sadly, _Our lives are just too different. _

Tearing her gaze away from the Chantry, and forcing Leliana's face to the back of her mind, Hawke sighed and continued with her shopping, not wanting to get back home too late and worry her mother to death.

* * *

Later that day when she had finally finished, Lana made her way through the village, heading in the direction of home, a bag full of food packages rustling at her side. _I wonder if my Templar friend will be there waiting for me. _She had a feeling she was being watched again. Just as the thought entered her head, an arm reached out as she approached the slope leading up to white stone bridge and dragged her behind its wall. Lana instinctively turned and reached for her dagger, shoving the templar up against the stone, resting it at his throat. Her mouth fell open.

"You?" she croaked. The dagger fell from her hands at the first sight she'd had in months of those bright blue eyes. Leliana was panting heavily, taken by surprise at the speed of Lana's movement. She pushed away from the wall and rubbed her throat where the dagger had cut into her a little. Lana saw a little trickle of blood along her fingers. "Shit, are you alright?" she exclaimed worriedly, knowing she had been on the brink of killing her.

"Fine," Leliana replied, "It's just a little slice. I'll be alright."

"You scared the bloody life out of me!" Hawke said then, her heart still thumping against her chest, adrenaline surging through her body. "What in The Maker's name are you doing?"

Leliana regained herself then. She stared into Lana's eyes and touched her cheek. "I don't have much time," she said quickly, glancing around nervously. She knew Hawke was being tailed by Templars. Lana felt her press a note into her hand. Leliana leaned in close. "Meet me tonight, at this location," she whispered in her ear.

"What-"

"I have to get back," Leliana interrupted, before she could question her. "Just promise me!"

"Ok, ok," Hawke said, taken aback. "I promise."

Without another word, Leliana kissed her tenderly on the cheek. She pulled back and jumped out from behind the wall, walking speedily in the direction of the Chantry, not looking back. Hawke exhaled. She unfolded the piece of parchment and saw a few words written in elegant handwriting:

_Come to the place where we spent our first night together at midnight. There's something you must know. Make sure you are not followed._

_L._

Lana looked up, confused. She had so many questions begging to be answered. Leliana had disappeared already though. She had no idea what was going on. _Maybe it has something to do with the Templars, _she thought, frowning. She slid the note into her pocket and peeked out from around the wall, checking to see if there was anyone around. Seeing no one, Lana picked up her dagger and began to make her way home, wondering what in all of Thedas this could possibly be about.


	6. Chapter 6

A bird was crowing somewhere nearby, the sound echoing through the tense silence of the night as Lana crept through the shadows, glancing behind her every so often to make sure she had lost her tail. It seemed the Templars still remained scattered randomly throughout the mountainside, having thankfully not yet discovered the exact location of the Hawke homestead, which was buried deep within a clump of trees, almost touching the outskirts of the Korkari Wilds in the South. Cautiously, Hawke stepped out into the open, scaling a wooden fence gracefully and tip-toeing through the dark, muddy field that belonged to Allison's family in the centre of Lothering. Flickers of candlelight could be seen from the house to her right but Lana felt it best to risk it, rather than having to pass by the Chantry and cross over the small pebbled bridge to get to the other side of the village. She stealthily jumped over the other fence on the opposite side and began to leave the main part of town, glancing back one more time just to make sure she was still invisible to its inhabitants.

The infamous windmill glistened in the moonlight ahead of her, its sails blowing slowly in the cool breeze, beckoning her towards it through the blackness. Double-checking that she was still out of Templar sight, Hawke held the hood of her long robe down low over her face then set off at a run, crossing the exposing slab of no-man's-land in between her and her destination. She stooped up the little grassy hill that led to the windmill and slipped open the wooden door, sliding inside discreetly, catching her breath.

"Were you followed?"

Lana spun around. Sister Leliana emerged from the shadows into the faint beam of moonlight shining through the hole in the ceiling. She peeked back out of the crack in the door, glancing around for any potential pursuers.

"I lost them before I made it to the village," Lana said quietly, before closing it softly with a faint snap. She turned back to Leliana and walked towards her, lowering her hood as she did so. "Are you going to tell me what this all about?"

Leliana exhaled. Extract information about her the Revered Mother had said, but she didn't know where to begin. There was still so much that was new to her about Lana. She was an unpredictable character and very suspicious of Chantry folk, even now. _Gain her confidence, _a voice in Leliana's head said. _Get her to open up to you again. _She took a deep breath, swallowing her guilt. "I just... wanted to see you again," she lied partly, smiling at her seductively as best she could. Her heart felt heavy with the effort of flirting for personal gain. She really didn't want to do this, but she had no choice. Lana's heavy breathing from the run to get here caught in her chest.

"You...You mean you dragged me here for...?" Her voice trailed off. She exhaled in disbelief. "Maker's Breath, Leliana. I risked my life coming to speak with you tonight and it was...all just about sex? I already told you I'm not going to be your go-to when you feel you need a break from Chantry boredom."

Leliana faltered. "I...No, it wasn't all for sex," she stuttered. _Maker, why is it so hard for me to manipulate her just like I did to so many before? _"I just...want to get to know you better. I feel this is the only way."

Lana gave her a sympathetic stare. "I know," she replied softly, "I'm sorry I haven't been to see you recently. We've...been having problems."

"What kind of problems?" Leliana pressed, a little too eager, taking a step towards her. "Maybe I could help..." Hawke suddenly felt like she should be guarded. There was something weird going on here.

"Are you...? Why are you acting so strangely?" she asked, her eyes narrowing. She glanced around the windmill as though expecting an ambush, but it was empty apart from the two of them.

Suddenly there was a scuffling sound outside. Both women inhaled sharply and glanced towards the door, listening. There was an unmistakable sound of rattling heavy armor somewhere outside. Lana darted towards the door and looked through a small hole in the wood, her heart thumping treacherously. All of a sudden her eyes caught the unmistakable flash of something sneaking along the bottom of the hill to the windmill. _Templars! _

"You-"

Leliana reached out and grabbed her arm before she could hiss her accusations, dragging her to the other side of the windmill and pulling open of the long crates in the corner as quietly as she could. She ushered Hawke inside and climbed in awkwardly on top of her, closing the lid silently. Hawke froze, looking up into her eyes, realising just how close she was. Leliana had lain flat across her, leaning her full weight down on top of her in the tightly enclosed space. Their bodies pressed together snugly, forcing their faces inches apart. Leliana could feel Hawke's warm breath tickle her face. As Lana went to speak again she pressed two gentle fingers over her lips and shook her head. The windmill door burst open with a racket.

"...swear I saw something," a woman Templar was saying. Hawke's blood ran cold. She held her breath fearing it would give them both away. She could see the still outline of Leliana hovering above her, feel the woman's heartbeat quicken as their chests pressed together with no room to breathe. The bard's fingers were still pressed against her lips, making it difficult for her to concentrate on what was going on outside while trying to ignore the shape of Leliana's breasts which were squashed against hers.

"There's no one here," a man replied in a bored voice. They could hear their heavy, steel footsteps walk around the windmill, inspecting the apparently empty, straw-covered room. "I told you you were imagining things, Mabel."

After several torturous seconds they heard the woman sigh, closer than she was before. "Maybe you're right," she said, though sounding a little uncertain. "We lost the little bitch when she ran through the trees back there. She could be anywhere now. It was worth checking out though."

The male Templar snorted, "Come on," he groaned, "Let's go back and take another look in the village. If she's not there I say we hit the tavern for an ale and have done with it. This quest the Revered Mother has sent us on is ridiculous."

"I agree," she replied. "Let's have it done."

Lana and Leliana strained their ears to hear the closing of the windmill door and the heavy footsteps dying away in the distance. Hawke went to move but Leliana didn't shift her weight. She pinned her down for several more seconds, making sure they were really alone once more. Hearing nothing but silence, the Chantry Sister retracted her fingers from Hawke's soft lips and reached up, opening the lid of the crate and climbing out off of her. Lana climbed out after her and closed it shut, exhaling with relief. She suddenly felt ill.

"The Templars are hunting you," Leliana said bluntly.

Hawke snorted, "No shit!" she replied, beginning to frantically pace the floor and running a hand through her dark brown hair, still abuzz with adrenaline. That had been too close. "Tell me something I bloody don't know, Leliana."

Her voice cracked. Leliana reached out and took a step towards her, seeing she was worked up. Though Hawke was a fighter, she knew that being hunted was a different feeling entirely from being in a battle, and that had been a little too close for comfort. Lana felt her warm hand caress her arm comfortingly through her robe, stopping her from her incessant pacing. She hovered unsteadily on the spot, staring down at the straw-covered floor the windmill, sickened by what had just happened. Leliana's closeness felt oddly comforting in the moment.

"Lana..." she breathed, stroking her arm and staring at her with a concerned face. The woman met her eyes then and she could see the anxiety in them. She had never seen her look so frightened before. It was a look that didn't suit such a normally strong woman. "Hey..." she soothed, taken aback.

Wanting nothing more than to hold her, Leliana leaned in and drew her close, placing a hand on the back of Lana's neck and sliding her other arm around her waist. Lana sank into her embrace, feeling her knees go weak as the adrenaline rushed through her body. She wrapped her arms around the warm, curving figure and rested her head on Leliana's inviting shoulder, sighing deeply and closing her eyes. It was strange to feel so safe in another's arms, especially those of a Chantry Sister. She barely even knew her, but something just felt...right. Leliana ran her fingers through her hair soothingly, feeling her melt into her arms.

"I'm sorry," Lana mumbled feebly, relaxing in the warmth of Leliana's bosom as it pressed against her own. She had no idea why she was apologising. Something just made her feel like she needed to for being so weak in front of another person. It felt unnatural to her, foreign.

"Don't apologise," Leliana whispered back, understanding completely. Sometimes she felt like falling apart herself, weighed down by the numerous, burdensome secrets she had been carrying around for years, and she herself knew what it felt like to be the prey of somebody. It made you feel strangely alone and exposed. No one had ever been there to hold her like this at the time she had needed it unfortunately. If only they had...

Lana backed away embarrassed then and placed a hand on her forehead, massaging around her temples. She suddenly felt dizzy from the sudden closeness and Leliana's beautiful flowery scent as it wafted over her. Sensing a smaller crate behind her nearby, she lowered herself down onto it and exhaled shakily, trying to pull herself together. Leliana placed herself down beside her, resting a hand on the woman's leg.

"Are you alright?" she asked lightly, staring at her worriedly. Lana shook her head.

"They're all over the mountainside surrounding out home, Leliana. They have been for months," she said hoarsely, "Closing in on us..."

"You already knew?" Leliana asked, squeezing her leg. Hawke nodded, her eyes wide with worry.

"Of course we knew," she whispered, staring at the wall opposite them, disturbed, "Why do you think none of my family has been seen in months? We knew they were hunting us."

Leliana sighed, finally understanding why she hadn't seen either her of Bethany in recent months. "I missed you," she said quietly, before she could stop herself. This time it had been a natural reaction, not premeditated like her forced attempts to extract information earlier. Something about the woman's sudden vulnerability had unhinged her. She realised what she was planning on doing was wrong. Lana turned to her, staring into her eyes. She gave her a small smile.

"I missed you too," she replied honestly, "But I...I just thought it best if we..."

Lana dropped her head. Leliana reached out and touched her face, bringing those brown eyes up to meet hers once more. The feeling she got while staring into them was simply indescribable.

"Yes?" she breathed, prompting for her to continue. Lana swallowed audibly.

"It-It scares me, Leliana," she whispered, ashamed of ever having admitted fear to anything. Leliana stroked her soft cheek with her thumb.

"What does, Lana?"

She saw Lana swallow again and heard her inhale softly. She looked very defenceless all of a sudden. After a seconds pause, Lana finally she found her voice again.

"Us..."

Leliana felt her heart flutter, hearing that tiny but meaningful word. It was the first time they had ever been referred to an item, and upon hearing it a wave of warmth rushed through her entire body. As she stared into the soft features before her she became swept away by the swimming brown eyes that were gazing into hers as though lost and helpless. She could tell Hawke was in some uncharted territory here.

"Lana..." she breathed, caressing her cheek once more. She didn't know what to say. The weight of the mission the Revered Mother had ordered her to do was weighing on her windpipe. It was as though an invisible noose was tied around her neck, representing the guilt she felt inside for ever having considered going through with this.

"I can't fight this," Hawke exhaled, breathless. She suddenly felt very immature for her age, as though the endless so-called relationships she'd had with women in the past were merely fun and games. They had felt nothing like this. All she had felt then was desire, but between her and Leliana there was something extra there too. "I thought about that kiss for months, Leliana...and I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Lana..." Leliana whispered once more, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. She had to tell her. She had to come clean. _I can't do this. It was wrong of me to even try. _When nothing came out of her mouth, Lana took the hand away from her face and got to her feet. She walked a few paces away from her and stopped, resting a hand on her forehead again, her head bowed. _Maker, what has come over me? What am I doing? _Leliana stared at her back, trying to force her conflicting consciences into a conclusion before it was too late.

"Maybe I should just...go," Lana said quietly, sighing. "Maker, I feel like a fool...I should get back to my family and protect them. This is too dangerous for either of us."

"What about the Templars?" Leliana asked, buying herself time. _Just tell her, why don't you? _Lana turned around and shook her head, looking down at the floor.

"I don't know," she admitted, feeling helpless. If it wouldn't cause her more trouble in the process she'd have gladly killed them all. _Anything to protect Bethany...But I'm not even sure if it is in fact her they're looking for. _She heaved a sigh, her shoulders drooping. "Maker, what do they want from us?"

A moment of silence passed between them as Lana paced slowly, staring up at the night sky through the ceiling as though searching for answers.

"Not 'us'," Leliana corrected, finally giving in to the truth and her conscience telling her to do the right thing. "You..."

Hawke blanched. She looked down at her. "What?"

Leliana got to her feet and walked towards her once more. "They're not after your family," she revealed, knowing she had to come clean. "They're after _you_, Lana, on the Revered Mother's orders."

Lana's confused expression began to turn angry. "Me?" she asked, frowning, "What are you talking about? I thought perhaps Bethany..."

"Bethany?" Leliana repeated, puzzled, "Why would the Templars be looking for her?"

Lana turned away instantly and began pacing again. _Shit! _"No reason," she said quickly, trying not to betray the lie (which was a very difficult feat in front of an experienced bard). "I just...assumed...She spends so much time at the Chantry, you know?"

Leliana looked at her suspiciously before shrugging it off. _I suppose it does make more sense. Bethany probably would have been my first guess as well. She spends as much time in the cloister as I do. _She watched Hawke pace for several seconds, almost hearing the woman's mind work, wondering what she was thinking. Suddenly Hawke stopped and turned to her, eyeing her distrustfully.

"How do you know about all this?" she asked, wondering why the Revered Mother would have revealed her plans to a Lay-Sister of all people, especially one who had proved to be a bit of a flight risk. This was not just any Lay Sister though, something which Lana was well aware of, as was the Revered Mother. Leliana hesitated.

"She...told me," she answered carefully. Hawke wasn't easily pacified however.

"Why?" she asked, her eyes narrowing. Leliana had a feeling she was slowly getting there on her own. She figured it would be better if she heard it from her own mouth first.

"She...she wanted me to...t-to spy on you...get information about you."

Lana froze. She felt as though she had been punched in the gut. Her expression turned instantly cold and she backed away from Leliana until her back was flat against the wall. Her hand grabbed her chest, resting over her heart.

"Leliana..." she said sadly. Suddenly anger burned in her eyes. "Maker, how could I have been so stupid!?" she hissed, pushing off the wall and taking a threatening step towards her. Leliana stepped back warily and held up her hands in surrender. Lana was the most furious she had ever seen her. It was unsettling. "For months I've been wondering why the Chantry was pursuing us...pursuing _me! _And all this bloody time... it was _you!_"

"No! Lana you must believe me! I would never betray you like that!" Leliana replied desperately. Their voices were getting louder now and she was aware that they could be caught at any second. Surely there were still more Templars nearby.

"How long have you been spying on me Leliana?" Lana demanded furiously, feeling betrayed for reasons that she didn't understand.

"I haven't!" she cried, her eyes swimming with tears. "I only found out yesterday, Lana! I swear!"

A hurt expression appeared on Lana's face. "Is that..." she whispered, feeling the pit of her stomach drop. "Is that why you slept with me...?"

Leliana felt instantly terrible, seeing the sadness in the woman's eyes. "No," she replied firmly, shaking her head. "I promise you. That night meant more to me than anything, Hawke. I do care about you. Why else would I have asked you to come here?"

"To pry some more information out of me!" Lana answered angrily, "In the same way as the first! Once a bard, always a bard, right?" She snorted. "You should have bloody stayed in Orlais with the rest of your bloody kind."

Leliana felt a stabbing pain her in chest at her words. "Please don't say that," she whispered, "I'm... _trying_ to change, Lana."

"Just not hard enough," Hawke said disgustedly. Her temper waned then, giving way to hurt. She backed away from Leliana once more and slid down the wall, sitting on the floor as her legs gave out overcome with emotions and revelations. Tears sparkled in her eyes. She stared up at Leliana. "How could you do this to me?" she asked weakly.

Leliana's face softened at her tone. "I didn't," she replied, shaking her head.

"But you thought about it," Lana stated, seeing the guilt in her eyes, knowing Leliana's words earlier tonight had been part of 'The Game'. Leliana felt a wave of shame crash over her. _I did, _she admitted inwardly, guilt ridden, _I really did consider it...Maybe she's right, _she thought miserably,_ maybe I should have stayed in Orlais. I'm still the same person I was before I left._

Seeing how much she had hurt her, Leliana walked towards her.

"Don't," Hawke warned harshly, seeing she was going to reach out to her again. Leliana sighed regretfully.

"I was protecting you, Lana," she cried, staring down at the floor. She shook her head, cursing herself for being constantly caught up in betrayals. "I made a mistake," she admitted, "I shouldn't have tried to deceive you like that...But I told you the truth in the end."

"Why?" Lana asked, curious as to that fact. Leliana met her gaze.

"To help you," she said truthfully. Hawke's anger faded at her words.

"And why would you do that?" she asked hoarsely. "You barely even know me."

A tear fell down Leliana's face. She shrugged helplessly, not knowing why herself. "I guess my loyalty to you is stronger than my loyalty to the Chantry," she replied, hoping it would suffice.

Lana stared at her for several seconds then got to her feet. She walked towards her slowly then paused, not knowing how to do this. Flirting was one thing, touching someone with the intention of seducing them...But this was different. That wasn't what she wanted to do, but she had no idea how to express closeness without sex being involved. She had never experienced it before. Her head dropped, embarrassed. Seeing she was nervous, Leliana closed the remaining distance between them. She slid her hands into Hawke's and intertwined their fingers. Lana looked up in to her eyes then, seeing the remorse there. Her breath shook as the full effect of Leliana's bright blue eyes stunned her.

"I don't understand what this is, Leliana," she admitted, having never had any kind of relations with another being which went more than skin deep. "I don't know how this works..."

Leliana gave her a little reassuring smile.

"It's alright," she replied gently, "I understand, Lana...I just want to make sure you're safe first. Then we can figure it out together."

Lana relaxed a little then, feeling as though she could trust her once more. "You have a plan I take it?" she asked, hoping desperately that she did. Any attention from the Templars was bad, even if it wasn't aimed directly at Bethany.

"Indeed...But I have a feeling you're not going to like it," Leliana said, feeling it was a bit of a long stretch.

"Leliana, my family are afraid to walk out the front door because Templars have us surrounded. Whether they're looking for them or me, we are all affected by this. I'll do anything to keep them safe," Lana said confidently. Leliana was shocked by how protective she was, declaring herself without even knowing what her plan was. It was very ballsy. She took a deep breath.

"I think you should take the Revered Mother up on her little offer."

As she had anticipated, Lana's mouth fell open in shock. "Maker, are you kidding me? You can't be serious!"

Leliana chuckled a little. "I am," she replied, "Your offer still stands, no? If the Revered Mother wants to 'save you' then let her think she has. I'm sure she will call her Templars off, and leave your family in peace."

Hawke didn't know how to respond. She stared at the ground, exhaling noisily, taking it all in. Yet through her disbelief she could see that Leliana made a good point. _But work for the Chantry? Blood of Andraste, am I actually considering this? _She looked up into her eyes then.

"What exactly would I have to do?"

"She wants you reaffirm your belief in The Maker," Leliana told her, "You wouldn't actually be a member of the Chantry. More than likely you would have to shadow one of the Sisters to learn from their example."

"So...I can shadow you?" she asked a little hopefully. Leliana shook her head.

"I'm afraid not," she replied, "I'm only a Lay-Sister. You would be assigned to one of the others instead."

Lana sighed. She didn't particularly like the idea of being converted to the Chantry's barbaric ways by one of their own, but she couldn't really see any other option. "Do you really think this will help?" she asked, unsure.

Leliana nodded, squeezing her hands. "Trust me," she said, giving her a reassuring smile. "It's the only plan you've got that has a hope of working. Otherwise, she's going to keeps sending her Templars after you."

After seconds Hawke finally nodded. "Then I'll do it," she replied, though shivering slightly at the idea. Leliana smiled and drew her into another warm hug, sighing thankfully.

"I'll meet you tomorrow outside the Chantry at noon. We can go together," she muttered in her ear. Lana pulled back and looked at her.

"You'll come with me?" she asked, surprised. Leliana nodded and caressed her face.

"Of course," she said gently, as thought there was never any doubt. "Anything to know you are safe."

Lana smiled, seeing just how much Leliana cared about her. They gazed into each other's eyes then, suddenly beginning to edge closer. Leliana inhaled sharply as Hawke's sweet lips pressed against hers, taking her breath away. There was no intent behind them like before, no rushing to get to the next stage. She could tell Lana was holding back, afraid to fully let herself go after revealing how she felt. It was the chastest kiss they had ever shared, but more meaningful than any that had come before. Leliana ran her fingers gently along the woman's chin, longing for so much more from her, but not wanting to push her at such a delicate time. She knew that whatever was between them had been elevated to an entirely different level then, one that she had been on before with another but one that Lana was entirely new to. As her soft lips brushed lightly against hers, a soft moan of desire and surprise escaped Leliana, having never been kissed in such a loving, tender way before. The faint hint of Lana's tongue grazing carefully over hers warmed her heart and licked her insides with yearning. She regretted it immediately when Lana finally pulled away.

They held each other, hovering close together in the middle of the windmill, foreheads resting against the others. A moment of silence passed between them.

"How long until we call this love?" Leliana whispered jokingly, finally breaking the peaceful silence. She felt Lana's warm breath on her face as she laughed silently.

"You tell me," she replied smoothly, smiling, caressing her neck with her delicate fingers. "I've never been in this deep before."

Leliana chuckled. "To be entirely honest...I don't think I have either," she admitted softly, remembering back and knowing nothing she'd had with Marjolaine had ever felt like this. "My last relationship tore me apart. Whenever I'm alone with you...I just...you make me feel like I'm... whole again."

Lana pulled back slightly and stared deep into her blue eyes, glistening in the moonlight. She ran her fingers through her short red hair and sighed. Leliana could see the innocence in her eyes. Not innocence to intimacy, but innocence to that something more that she had never had before.

"You don't have to be scared, Lana," she said, after a moment's pause. She could see Lana's chocolate-brown eyes doubting her on that one. "We're in this together, I promise."

Lana's swallowed, an unfamiliar feeling of vulnerability running through her. She didn't like the idea of knowing she had a vulnerable side. It made her feel weak. "No one can ever find out about us, Leliana," she said quietly.

Leliana's eyes stared into hers. It went without saying they couldn't be discovered, but she knew that wasn't what Lana was referring to. "You don't want me to ever reveal that I saw a sensitive side to you?" she asked, confused. Hawke exhaled.

"As long as you know it's there...then that's enough," she whispered, staring down at the emerald jewel that was resting along Leliana's neck, for fear of meeting her eyes as she said the words.

Leliana sighed and gave her a sad smile. She curled her fingers under Lana's chin then tilting her head up so as she could see those beautiful eyes of hers. "Then I'll take it to the grave with me," she vowed kindly.

Saying nothing more, Lana leaned in and kissed her again, much the same as before. She felt Leliana's arms slide around her neck slowly, drawing her in further and obliged, finally letting her guard down. The Chantry Sister moaned breathlessly, feeling her open up to her finally as Lana brushed her tongue against her own. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her kiss became more eager. She wanted every piece of Lana that she was willing to offer. This was the first time Lana had ever given herself fully to another...and truth be told, she was scared shitless. Taking Leliana for her word though, she slid her hands along her waist, holding her close like she had never held another before, knowing that whatever was to come, they would both face it together.


	7. Chapter 7

**My christmas hangover has gone finally and I'm back in business, thinking and writing in the right language once more (lest my Spanish creep in unintentionally :P). Hope you all had a a good one. Here's the latest installment.**

* * *

"Lana, don't do this!" Leandra pled, desperately trying not to let her daughter leave by standing across the front door with her arms wide. "There must be another way!"

"There isn't, Mother," Hawke replied solemnly, not meeting her eyes as she tried to pass her unsuccessfully. It was the morning after her meeting with Leliana and she had been on her way to meet her at the Chantry as arranged and pledge herself into the service of the Revered Mother. Leandra however, had thrown her body across the doorway, preventing her from setting foot outside and they had been arguing for twenty minutes now. Lana was going to be late. "Listen to me!" she said, holding both her mother's arms, trying to make her understand. "Sister Leliana told me that the Revered Mother is out to get me. It has nothing to do with Bethany...not yet anyway. If I don't do this then they are going to find out about her sooner or later. I can't let that happen!"

"But working inside the Chantry, darling!?" Leandra fretted, "Why does this Revered Mother want you so badly?"

"I don't know," Hawke admitted. It simply couldn't just be because of her outburst during that ceremony. There must be something else behind it. Leandra watched her daughter think it over. Her mind jumped to the worst conclusion.

"What have you done, Lana?" she breathed, dread rising in her.

Hawke frowned then, taken aback. "What...have I done?" she repeated, confused. Leandra's expression hardened. Something flickered across her eyes...Suspicion perhaps. Or blame.

"You must have done something to bring this down upon us," she said harshly.

"What?" Lana replied, wondering why her mother's worrying had now turned into an accusation all of a sudden. Right now she didn't look the caring mother she had come to know all these years.

"Since you were born Lana, we have had no trouble from the Templars," Leandra replied angrily, shaking her head, "And now look at us! You're father has only been gone for a year and already your wild ways have put us and your sister in a dangerous position."

"I haven't done anything!" Lana replied, feeling her anger rise at the injustice.

"All those drinks at the tavern?" her mother shouted, disgusted. "Getting into brawls? Spouting your mouth off about the Chantry and its barbaric ways? Not to mention doing Maker knows what else with whoever takes your fancy that particular night. It was all bound to catch up with you sooner or later. Maker, no wonder you're not married yet...Prancing around, seemingly without a care in the world."

"Without a care in the world?" Lana repeated in disbelief. "How can you possible think that? I lost my father just over a year ago! Now, at his bequest, I've suddenly become responsible for three more lives including my own, Mother! I have dedicated every day since he passed taking care of you all, putting your needs before mine. How can you judge me for going to the tavern sometimes to unwind when I finally have some time to myself?"

"I just don't know, Lana," Leandra replied with a sigh. "I've heard you tell Bethany that she and Carver mean the world to you. She looks up to you immensely...but I have to wonder sometimes if you even care about her at all."

"Mother!" Bethany cried loudly as she entered the living area, hearing the raised voices of her mother and older sister. She saw the looks on both their faces as Leandra and Hawke stared into each other's eyes as though seeing each other clearly for the first time. Suddenly there was tension in the air. Lana couldn't believe how much words could sting. Bethany forced herself between them like a wedge. "That's not fair," she said gently, staring at Leandra as she glared at her eldest over her shoulder. "I trust Lana with my life. She has always done her best for Carver and I."

"What would you know?" Leandra asked, still not looking away from Hawke. "You're only a little girl Bethany...And your sister has been up to something for months, I can feel it. Because of her we're all in danger."

Lana snorted. "Maker, you know what? I don't need this right now," she said furiously, putting on her coat. She knew that her feelings for Leliana had been distracting her lately, but her mother would never understand if she told her the truth. _Maybe Leliana was right. Maybe she doesn't care what I want, only what she wants for me._ She kissed Bethany on the cheek, who responded in kind, and then approached her mother once more. "Are you going to get out of my way?" she asked politely, rather than demanding.

Leandra looked her dead in the eye. "Your father appointed you as head of this household on his death bed, Lana," she reminded her, a muscle twitching in her jaw. "If this is what you think you have to do to fix this, then so be it...But I'm warning you now. If anything happens to your brother or sister then I am holding _you_ solely responsible."

A heavy silence followed her words. Lana swallowed hard, staring at the cold eyes that were fixed upon her. Something about this mother-daughter relationship had changed, seemingly overnight.

"You have my word," she replied firmly, giving her a curt nod. "I will keep them safe if it's the last thing I do..._Mother_."

After a few seconds Leandra stepped to the side and allowed her to leave without uttering another sound. Amazing how her concern had changed to indifference in a matter of minutes. Hawke grabbed the handle of the door and pulled it open roughly.

"Lana?" Bethany called out softly. Hawke turned back. Her little sister smiled at her, warming her heart before she ran off into the cold and possibly more danger for the sake of her family. "Thank you."

Lana smirked at her as best she could and gave her a caring little wink before turning her back on them both and beginning to run towards the village of Lothering, her mind still burning with the accusations and warning of her mother.

* * *

Sister Leliana leaned against the wall surrounding the Chantry, waiting nervously for Hawke to appear. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that this plan would work as the Revered Mother was that self-important that she would believe herself capable of 'taming' and blasphemer such as Lana. She had spoken of it to her earlier and the woman had seemed rather keen on the idea, impressed with Leliana's persuasion skills and quick solution to the so-called 'problem' of the Templars. No, the real reason Leliana found she was nervous was the prospect of having Lana in such close proximity, day in day out, as she would be from now on. Last night she had taken a big step in admitting her feelings, and Leliana knew she was scared, but the woman was still tricky to keep under control, as flirtatious and daring as ever.

Suddenly Hawke appeared among the crowded morning market-goers and a huge grin appeared on her face. Leliana smiled back, relaxing at the sight of her.

"New robe?" Lana teased as she approached, giving her body a quick scan. Leliana giggled, almost feeling her gaze burn through the heavy Chantry robe as though more interested in what was underneath.

"You're late," she scolded jokingly, her face a little flushed. Lana's grin widened and she leaned in, placing a kiss on her soft cheek, both of them lingering longer than was necessary.

"I'm sure I could think of some way to make it up to you," Leliana heard her whisper in her ear before pulling back. She giggled.

"Back to your mischievous ways then?" she guessed, seeing that twinkle having returned to the woman's eyes once more. Lana smirked.

"You didn't think I was going to still be Miss Sensitive after last night, did you?" she teased, "Sorry Sister that was a onetime thing I'm afraid. I'm more about having fun than talking about feelings you see."

"Then you've come to the right place, haven't you?"

Leliana laughed as both of them turned and faced the Chantry. Hawke snorted.

"Clearly," she agreed, eyeing up the building with dislike. "This is the worst idea I've ever been crazy enough to carry out."

"Aw, are you only doing because you fell in love with me?" Leliana teased cutely.

"Hey! I'm not in love. You just tripped me up and I fell for you. It wasn't my fault," Lana replied, making her laugh.

"Oh, you know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?" Leliana said, shaking her head. Hawke chuckled.

"I try," she said. "Now, shall we get this over with then get to the good stuff?"

"I doubt Sister Clarabelle could be classed as 'good stuff'," Leliana joked.

"Ooo, is that who's going to try to convert me?" Lana asked, her eyebrow rising at the thought. "She's a bit of alright, I suppose. I wouldn't mind having her smite me with the hand of The Maker...or his fist."

"Maker's Breath!" Leliana exclaimed, punching her playfully on the arm. "That's all the fisting you're going to get, Lana Hawke."

"Aw, you Orlesians are no fun!" Lana sniggered, rubbing her arm. "You know I've been told that my sense of humour is too near the knuckle sometimes."

"Only too near?" Leliana repeated, chuckling.

"I know!" Lana replied, feigning offence. "On a good day it's up to the wrist!"

Leliana choked, her hand covering her mouth as she laughed. "Andraste's Grace!" she replied, seeing Lana's wicked grin. "I'm starting to think the Revered Mother's right about you. I think a few moments in the presence of The Maker would do you some good!"

Hawke laughed, "I think I'd have more fun with Andraste, believe me."

Leliana giggled, embarrassed. They both laughed and made their way towards the Chantry, passing two Templars who eyed Lana with suspicion. The heavy door closed behind them, giving Lana an uncomfortable sensation of feeling trapped.

"Maker, is it always so cold in here?" she whispered, shivering as she followed Sister Leliana up the aisle.

"In the mornings just," she replied, glancing back at her grimly, "The candles haven't been lit yet, I'm afraid."

"I could think of a way to warm us up," Hawke joked, her hand slipping discreetly down along the woman's lower back.

"Lana!" Leliana hissed, brushing her off instantly before she reached her destination. "Not here!"

Hawke sniggered and removed it. Maker, she was such a tease!

Leliana pushed open the door on the right of the altar and ushered Lana inside first, giving her a little pat on the behind before following her inside. She saw the woman throw her a cheeky grin before they both approached the desk on the opposite side of the room. The Revered Mother was standing beside it, another sour-looking Chantry Sister at her side who looked like she constantly had a horrible smell under her nose. _The smell of repression no doubt, _Lana said to herself with a little snort.

"Here she is, Mother," Leliana said with a courteous bow, "Lana Hawke, as you requested."

"Good work, Sister Leliana," the Revered Mother said, eyeing Lana with dislike. "So...Miss Hawke..."

"So what?" Lana replied before she could stop herself. Leliana suppressed a laugh, looking down at her feet. It was worth it to bring Lana here just to hear her 'The Maker can kiss my ass' attitude.

"I see you haven't changed your ways," the Revered Mother continued, angry at her rudeness. "Yet I am told by Sister Leliana that you have decided to accept my offer of a small place her among our Brothers and Sisters."

"That's right," Lana replied, "I guess you could say I've...been a bit of a bad girl, Mother, and that I should be... _punished_ by Andraste."

Leliana heard the hint of a sexual innuendo in Hawke's words and was glad to see she was the only one. Such crass wouldn't be apparent to solid religious types thankfully, and Lana knew this rightly.

"And that you shall be child," the Revered Mother replied, continuing on as though she had heard nothing untoward. "Sister Clarabelle here will be giving you a helping hand along the way."

"How generous of her, but her hands look a little tiny to take me to those places I need to go," Lana replied cheekily.

Leliana snorted with laughter then. She covered her hand with her mouth to hold it in but continued sniggering beneath it. The Revered Mother rounded on her angrily.

"_Thank _you, Leliana," she said disapprovingly, "You may go."

"Yes, Mother," Leliana managed, turning away and hurrying from the room as quick as she could. She caught Lana's eye on the way out and saw her faint smile before closing the door tightly behind her.

"Now, as I was saying child," The Revered Mother continued, "Sister Clarabelle has offered to allow you to shadow her as she does her work. In doing so you will learn a great deal about respect and honesty in the name of The Maker."

"That's very kind of you, Sister Clarabelle," Lana replied, bowing to her, "However, might I request the services of Sister Leliana, Mother? I think I could learn a great deal more from her instead."

"That's preposterous!" Sister Clarabelle exclaimed, extremely offended. "Leliana is not even a fully-fledged member of this congregation! You know of the stories of her... _misdeeds_, Mother. Then there's the question of the missing Holy Wine. _I _know how to spread the Maker's words better than _she_ ever will."

"Wow," Lana replied, immediately disliking her, "That's a lot of hostility from one of The Maker's chosen."

"I agree!" The Revered Mother replied, giving Sister Clarabelle a stern look. She turned back to Lana then and ran a few fingers along her chin, thinking to herself. "You say you will learn more with Sister Leliana's guidance?" she asked, considering her request. Lana nodded.

"Much more," she said earnestly, "Sister Leliana is the only member of this Chantry whom I have respect for, Mother. My sister Bethany has told me of her kindness and compassion for others...and also of her mistreatment by this Sister and those of her brethren in this cloister." She gestured to Sister Clarabelle who looked furious and crossed her arms.

"This is an outrage, I-"

The Revered Mother held up a hand, silencing her. Sister Clarabelle fell quiet, though looking as though she still had plenty to say. Lana waited, her heart beating fast in her chest as the Revered Mother thought for a moment.

"Fine," she relented finally, "You will have what you seek. Sister Leliana will help you to affirm your belief in The Maker, and in doing so find her own redemption."

Lana couldn't help but smile. "Thank you, Mother."

"You are to report here every day at twelve until eight to repent your sins with her aid, learn The Chant and help her in any duties she must fulfil in the name of The Maker and His Bride. Understood?"

Lana nodded, "Yes, Mother."

"Good, then you are dismissed. Sister Clarabelle, take this woman to Sister Leliana and inform her of the recent changes to the plan and of her new duties."

Sister Clarabelle nodded reluctantly and threw Hawke an icy stare before exiting the room and holding the door open for her to follow. Lana walked alongside her, feeling the anger reverberate off her. She smiled to herself, feeling rather mischievous all of a sudden.

"You know, I wouldn't have minded you giving me a hand, Sister...but Leliana's finger nails are a little shorter," she joked. Sister Clarabelle eyed her with confusion, having not understood her sexual humour.

"You know, I don't know why the Revered Mother's bothering with trying to convert you, Hawke. I think you'd react better to feeling the back of my hand," she replied as spitefully as she could. Lana chuckled.

"I think the front of your hand might be more effective Sister, but you're right, I'd probably enjoy it too much," she joked, giggling to herself.

"Oh, speak sense won't you?" Sister Clarabelle scolded, not seeing what was so funny. "I hope the Revered Mother knows what she's doing by bringing you here."

"Oh I'm sure she doesn't," Lana replied.

"So am I," Sister Clarabelle spat, glaring round at her. "I'll be keeping my eyes on you, Hawke, mark my words."

Lana smiled at her, "And you can bet I'll be keeping my eyes on you too, Sister," she said, glancing down at her body fleetingly. _She's not a bad looker at all._

Leliana was bent over, watering a few of the plants outside as they approached. Lana's eyes immediately left Sister Clarabelle and became transfixed on her round behind.

"Or maybe not," she muttered to Sister Clarabelle, already distracted by the Orlesian woman's perfect figure. _Maker, Leliana definitely wins in that department._

Leliana stood up and turned to meet them. She smiled kindly at Sister Clarabelle, avoiding Lana's eyes lest she make her laugh in front of her peers again.

"How can I help?" she asked brightly.

"This blasphemer requested your help instead, for all the good it'll do," she informed her in a dulcet tone, "Your new duties from the Revered Mother are to show her around, listen to her confessions and teach her The Chant from twelve to eight every day...That's if you can even get it right by yourself."

"I'm sure I can manage," Leliana replied colder now, sick of the Sister's condescending attitude towards her.

"If you say so," Sister Clarabelle replied, rolling her eyes, "I'll be waiting for you to fall on you face as usual though, like every other trivial task you have been assigned."

Leliana's head dropped as Clarabelle laughed mockingly. Lana's face became furious then.

"You know, you're very cocky for someone who has never had one before," she joked. Leliana chuckled and looked up then, seeing Lana standing with her arms folded and a huge, cheeky grin on her face as she squared up to Sister Clarabelle. "You do have a large stick up your ass I suppose, but that still doesn't give you the right to talk to people like they're a piece of shit."

"Watch your tone, Serah Hawke," Sister Clarabelle warned, "Or I shall have you reported for indecency when you are inside these walls."

"Watch how to talk to my mentor," Lana countered, "Or I shall have you bound and gagged, hanging naked from the rafters. Then how would you spread your precious Chant?"

Sister Clarabelle's retort caught in her throat as she realised Hawke was no longer joking. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that the threat was real. "Enjoy your stay," she snarled, "I expect you won't be here long mind you." She turned away.

"Just long enough to annoy you!" Hawke called after her as she walked away in a rage. Lana chuckled and turned back to Sister Leliana then. "You know, I think I'm going to have fun working here."

Leliana chuckled, "Thank you for that," she said, brushing her red hair behind her ear looking sad. "She's been not at all nice to me since I've came here, and the others tend to follow her lead."

"Well, not anymore," Hawke said, "Not now that I'm here to make inappropriate jokes and to keep you out of trouble. Come on," she took her hand, smiling at her reassuringly. "Let's go for a walk now that I have my permission slip."

Leliana giggled and stared up at her. "How ever did you manage to wrangle that one?" she asked in amazement. Lana winked and led her away towards the river.

"I suppose I was honest for once in my life. You really are the first member of the Chantry who I've had any respect for."

* * *

The day grew steadily into darkness as the hours rolled by in Ferelden. The bitter coldness of the night before had been replaced with a gentle breeze, and an essence of warmth had crept in as winter made its way out. Leliana walked Lana to the mountains on the outskirts of the village after their first Chantry session together, wanting to spend as much time as possible with her now that they were no longer being watched by Templars.

"Are you ever going to show me where you live?" she asked, linking arms with her, not afraid to be close now that they were outside of Lothering and away from prying eyes. Lana hesitated. She could only imagine the look on her mother's face if she brought home a Chantry Sister after their argument this morning.

"My family are very private," she lied, trying to avoid the truth. "My mother likes her space away from visitors and such. It wouldn't be right for me to take that away from her."

Leliana's face fell, "Oh," she replied, knowing there was more to it but not wanting to pry, "I'm sorry. It's just...I would have liked to call on you one day."

Lana smiled down at her. She stopped then, holding Leliana's face in her hands. "I would have loved that," she said, sighing, "But I'm afraid of my family finding out about us...about me."

Leliana sighed. "You know, you should tell them, Hawke," she whispered, touching the hand on her face, stroking it gently. "Tell them before someone else does. You haven't exactly been discreet with your affairs. They're bound to find out sooner or later, no?"

Lana released her and walked away a few paces. She sat herself down on the long grass and exhaled, leaning back on her arms and looking up at the stars. Leliana smiled sympathetically and walked over to her, settling herself down beside her and putting her arm around her. Lana rested her head on her shoulder, snuggling in closer to her.

"I think my father knew," she said sadly, daydreaming into the night as his face appeared in her mind. She felt Leliana's arm tighten around her, her hand rubbing her bicep. The woman's warmth was so comforting she felt she could fall asleep right in this very spot.

"He found out?" Leliana ventured gently.

"Oh no, nothing like that. I hadn't started sleeping with women at that point. I'd already had my first experience with a man though, but found it wasn't to my liking. My thoughts were constantly clouded with women that I was probably just that obvious," Lana said, smiling as she remembered how awkward she used to get around attractive ladies. "It was just the way he used to stick up for me in front of my mother when she mentioned marriage. I don't know...Maybe I was imagining it, not wanting to feel so alone...But I'm sure he at least suspected it. If he was still alive...I don't know, maybe I would have considered coming out..."

Leliana smiled and kissed her on the head. "I'm glad you had him through that, however distantly," she said, "You must miss him greatly. I know Bethany does."

"She speaks of him to you?" Lana asked, lifting her head and looking up at her. Sometimes she heard her little sister crying at night after his death but she had never once mentioned it to her. Leliana nodded.

"It's true," she said, "She often compares him to you. You mean a great deal to her, Lana. She's a very sweet girl."

Hawke smiled. "She's the best little sister anyone could ever ask for," she replied chuckling silently as Bethany's cute face appeared in her mind, warming her heart. "It's her and Carver's seventeenth birthday tomorrow. I'm sure she'll come with me to the Chantry to see you."

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Leliana exclaimed excitedly, "I saw this lovely pair of shoes in the market earlier that I would like to get for her."

Lana chuckled, "That's settled then!" she said happily, "I just got her a new journal yesterday when I was shopping. I think she'll like your present better though. I was never really much good with such things."

"What about your brother?" Leliana asked interestedly. "What did you get him?"

"A sword," Lana replied, remembering how much it had cost. "He's easier to buy for, a bit more like me in that department. It's a good one too. He's wanted one for a long time now. I swear he's better than half the King's Army and he's only turning seventeen."

Leliana chuckled, "I wonder where he get's that from," she teased, "I've never met him before. What's he like?"

Lana snorted, "Let me see how I can describe this..." She thought for a moment. "Carver's a little pest," she finally said, making Leliana laugh."He is my friend and my bitterest rival, my confidant and my betrayer, my sustainer and my dependent, and scariest of all, almost my equal on the battlefield."

Leliana's eyes widened. "Wow...he sounds nothing like Bethany."

Both of them laughed.

"He's not," Lana said, "Bethany's the complete opposite. She was born with grace and a brain in her head, whereas Carver is as subtle as a Qunari and as blunt as a Dwarven maul."

Leliana laughed musically and lay herself back on the grass, bringing Lana with her. She held her in her arms, staring into her brown eyes seeing the reflection of the night sky in them. Lana stroked her cheek, breathing in her flowery scent. She felt Leliana's hand caress her side as the two of them lay side by side, centimetres apart.

"Do you ever think your life would be better if you weren't who you were?" she asked, watching her finger run along Leliana's soft jaw line. Leliana's gentle sigh tickled her face.

"Sometimes," she answered truthfully, "I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. I thought The Maker was punishing me up until I met you. Now I think he has put me on this path for that reason."

Lana smiled and looked into her eyes. "Are you saying I'm a gift from The Maker?" she teased. Leliana chuckled.

"I'm saying you're so much more," she said, "I just wish we didn't have to hide it."

"Me too," Lana echoed, "Somehow I don't think the Chantry would appreciate your methods of teaching me the Chant though. I'm sure my yelling, "OH MAKER!" as I climax isn't the type of worship the Revered Mother had in mind."

They both laugh together, feeling the other shake gently in their arms. Leliana ran a hand through Lana's brown hair.

"Where were you a few months back when I needed you most, Lana?" she wondered, staring into her eyes, "If I had of met you sooner then maybe I wouldn't have gotten myself into this mess in the first place."

Lana could see her pain. "Are you ever going to tell me what happened...How you ended up here?" she asked, having heard Leliana refer to her life a few times before this but never elaborating. She exhaled, wondering where to begin.

"I was betrayed, Lana," she said, her voice cracking. Hawke heard her swallow, overcome with memories. "By Marjolaine, my mentor...and my lover..."

Lana's mouth fell open, "Maker's Breath...Leliana..." she breathed. Her fingers caressed the woman's cheek as tears built in her blue eyes. "Did you...Did you have to kill her?"

Leliana took a deep, shaky breath. "No," she replied hoarsely. "I...Can we talk about something else, Lana?" she asked, evasive. Every time she imagined her last conversation with Marjolaine her whole body felt like it was cracking into tiny pieces. The woman was still out there somewhere, biding her time. It wouldn't be long before she struck again, all because Leliana couldn't take that final blow, still feeling something for her despite everything she had done. Only Lana's arms around her were holding her together right now.

"Of course," Hawke said, understanding. She could see how tortured Leliana was by the memories of her past. "I don't want to push you, Lel...Just know that I'm here if you ever want to talk."

Leliana smiled. "Thank you," she whispered, "But if I never talk about what happened to me again let's just say I'll be more than content. There are just some things that no one will ever understand about the life I shared with that woman...What I felt for her..."

Not knowing how to respond and seeing Leliana didn't want to continue, Lana leaned in and kissed her gently, a subtle hint of her tongue brushing along Leliana's pink lips. It worked, distracting her instantly.

"What do you feel now?" she whispered, their mouths hovering inches apart. Leliana's breathing quickened. Without reply she leaned in and pressed her full weight on top of Lana, pinning her back to the grass and kissing her full on the lips passionately. Their chests rose and fell together as they both became caught up in the moment, rolling around several times before one of them gained dominance. Leliana pressed Hawke down onto the partially wet grass and continued kissing her deeply. She slid her hand up the inside of Lana's leg blindly, her slender fingers then beginning to caress the woman's centre through her breeches, getting an encouraging moan in response.

"Here?" she asked breathlessly, breaking their kiss, a little uncertain and semi-conscious of the fact that they were both lying in the dirt on the mountainside and anyone could be travelling this direction. "Are you sure? I don't want to rush you after...everything..."

"You don't need permission, Lel," Lana replied holding her cheek, feeling an indescribable longing in her body. She knew that she was trying to protect her after she had opened her heart for the first time in her life, but Lana knew what she wanted in that moment. She pulled Leliana's lips towards hers again, kissing the woman's smile and demanding her attention once more. Leliana slid her hand up under her shirt then and along Lana's tense abs, feeling them tense up as she tickled along the soft, skin that stretched across them. Her palm slithered up along one of Hawke breasts, feeling the woman's own adventurous reach grab her ass and pull her closer, making her groan with desire. The heavy Chantry robe restricted her from going any further however, much to her disappointment, and Lana found herself very much under the control of Leliana's more than capable hands.

Throwing her head back on the grass instead, Lana decided to give in as Leliana's tongue began to brush along her exposed collarbone and her touch began to travel south again. The woman's slender fingers slipped under the waistband of her breeches and past a thin line of hair before sending her body into tiny spasms as they began to massage her throbbing womanhood that had been left untouched for months.

"Leliana..." Lana gasped, closing her eyes and losing herself completely, allowing the woman's magical fingertips to send her off into a fit of pleasure and arousal with their massaging, circular motions. She heard a faint giggle from Leliana somewhere nearby, in between the woman leaving a wet trail of kisses down along her partially exposed breast and in between her cleavage, visible above the low neckline of her shirt. The sensation's rippling through her body were ten times better than any sex she'd experienced with other women in the past. Leliana was definitely a natural. Her tongue was a gift from Andraste.

Suddenly the rebellious Chantry Sister slipped two, moist fingers inside of her. Lana moaned erotically, unable to believe that this was finally happening again. She hadn't slept with anyone since Leliana all those months ago and thoughts of their first night together had tortured her dreams ever since. Leliana's sweet mouth demanded her attention once more as her thin fingers curled inside her, then out, taking her breath away as they hit their spot over and over just has they had done the first time.

"Maker..." Lana gasped, unable to control herself.

Leliana breathed seductively above her, sliding her fingers in further, feeling herself become aroused as she listened to Lana's soft moans of ecstasy. As soon as she felt her body contract underneath her she relaxed on top of her and retracted her hand from under the woman's breeches, seeing she had reached her limit. It was a lot harder to do this properly clothed. She exhaled, feeling Lana's warm arm tighten around her midsection and rested her head down on her semi-bare chest below her, feeling Lana's full, pointed breasts cushion against her face.

"Next time...we do this..." Lana breathed, staring up at the night sky, "Promise me you won't...wear that damn robe again...It's a bloody nightmare trying to get into it."

Leliana chuckled, knowing she had kept her sexually frustrated because of the restricting heavy Chantry get-up she was wearing. It was intentionally made to encourage people to be chaste and virginal. Even the last time Lana had had some difficulty in stripping it away to get at the perfectly formed body underneath. Considering that Hawke, of all people, could do nothing more than grab her ass this time, Leliana had to say that the robe did indeed seem fit for its purpose, much to both their dismays.

"I'm sorry," she apologised, thumbing at Lana's pointed nipple that was sitting upright under her thin shirt. She heard another soft moan escape the woman. "And may I also suggest something...?"

"Of course..." Lana breathed, enjoying the sensation. Leliana looked up at her, a cheeky smile playing on the corner of her lips.

"Let's do it in a bed next time, no?" she said, "It's much more comfortable and not nearly as dirty..."

"Clean sex?" Hawke joked. "Sounds a little boring."

Leliana chuckled.

"Well, not exactly, but dirty in a better way...Trust me."

Hawke sniggered and laid her head back onto the grass again, smelling the soil wafting up from Leliana's red hair from their brief tussle in the grass. Truth be told her back was starting to hurt a little, feeling a stone jab into her spine uncomfortably where she lay.

"Agreed," she replied finally. _A bed wouldn't be such a bad idea right about now._


	8. Chapter 8

"I must say, Serah Hawke, I am greatly impressed with the progress you have made this past year."

Lana stood in the Revered Mother's study, hovering over the woman as she observed her over the top of her desk. Today her Chantry days were finally over. She had been looking forward to this day for months. Although she hated having to show up every day for eight hours to be 'saved', Lana found it a good pretext for spending time with a woman who had taken stolen her heart and supported her through a time of need and loneliness.

"Thank you, Mother. Sister Leliana has helped me greatly," she replied. _In many different positions and locations._

"Indeed," the Revered Mother said, getting to her feet, seemingly oblivious to the relationship that had been ongoing between two women under her nose for months. "Though there has been improvement, I'm afraid more is needed, however. I regret that I went about teaching you the ways of the Chantry in the wrong manner, child. Sister Leliana has redeemed herself in the eyes of The Maker by helping you through the dark path you were heading down and bringing you redemption."

Lana smiled, "I agree," she said, the Orlesian beauty's face appearing in her mind.

"There is one last thing that you must do, Lana Hawke, lest our teaching so far amount to nothing," the Revered Mother said, beginning her usual pacing. Hawke had been expecting this. _Of course she wasn't just about to let me go now that she seen me as her minion. _

"Anything, Mother," she said, though dreading what was to come. She had a feeling this wasn't going to be good news.

"Sit down, child," the Revered Mother said, seating herself back down at her desk and gesturing to the small wooden chair facing it. Lana obliged, settling herself down and feeling a little nervous. This was obviously no simple task.

"I understand that you little brother has joined the King's Army that is heading to the South as we speak," she said gently. Hawke's jaw tightened. Carver and Bethany had celebrated their eighteenth birthday a few days ago with a small family dinner that had then erupted into a full-scale argument after the only Hawke son had revealed her was leaving that very day to fight the so-called Blight at Ostagar.

"Yes, Mother," she said sadly, not needing reminding. "But I don't understand what this has to do with me."

The Revered Mother observed her closely across the desk, her arms folded.

"A Grey Warden by the name of Duncan passed through her a few weeks ago and has warned of a Darkspawn Horde rising in the South and coming out of the Korkari Wilds," she informed her, "They say this could mark the beginning of the next Blight. The King's Army needs soldiers, Serah Hawke. They could use someone like you."

The pit of Lana's stomach dropped, "You...want me to...?"

The Revered Mother nodded. "It is your job to look after you little brother and join him to fight this battle."

Hawke snorted in disbelief. "You know, that's exactly what my mother yelled at me the day he left us?" she said bitterly, "And I will tell you like I told her...It was his choice, Mother. The King's Army have been trying to enlist me for years. I have always refused, not caring about their petty problems. I have enough of my own, thank you. I sorely wish that Carver had done the same, but the King has gained a great swordsman with him in their ranks. I will not hold him back in his search for glory."

"That will be my last lesson, Hawke," the Revered Mother said, "You have a Maker-given talent of great skill in battle. You will save many lives by doing this. I am not taking no for an answer."

Lana frowned, "So...you're sending me to my death?" she asked incredulously. _I have to leave Leliana? _The thought lodged in her throat and she found it difficult to swallow. The Revered Mother stared into her eyes for a few moments.

"There have been certain..._rumours_, child..."

"About?"

The woman looked uncomfortable talking about it, as though it was something unpleasant. "...About you and Sister Leliana," she admitted. Lana's blood ran cold. She shivered. _Someone knows about us? _

"I don't follow," she lied, playing dumb. The Revered Mother squirmed in her chair, clearly not accustomed to talking about sexual relations in The Maker's house, especially not any of this nature.

"Sister Clarabelle claimed to have walked in on you two being..._intimate_ on numerous occasions," she informed her. Hawke froze, trying not to let her fear and the truth betray her. "Now," The Revered Mother continued, "While I will not take her solely on her word, well aware of her grudge against Sister Leliana as I am, I have been left with some...doubt."

"There's nothing going on between me and Leliana!" Hawke blurted out, hearing her voice shake a little as she said it.

"I should hope not," the Revered Mother said more sternly now. "While Leliana has taken no vows of celibacy it is not permitted to have sexual relations while in the service of The Chantry...as she very well knows. I would be extremely disappointed if she has gone against our rules after everything the cloister has done for her."

"She hasn't," Hawke lied, trying to sound convincing.

"I don't doubt her belief in The Maker, child," the Revered Mother said, "But sometimes I doubt that she has really committed to this path she is on, having heard stories of her visiting taverns and what not in recent months. After those stories turned out to be true, I have no choice but to treat this accusation as suspicious."

"So...You're sending me to fight the Darkspawn to...to keep me away from her?" Hawke asked, though already knowing the answer. Her heart broke at the thought. _I can't leave her!_

"I am setting you on the path to your destiny, Serah Hawke," the Revered Mother corrected her, "And I am keeping Sister Leliana on hers. You will leave with the army tomorrow...or you will both be arrested."

Lana's jaw dropped. "Revered Mother..."she whispered, feeling her words catch in her throat as a result of shock. "You can't-"

"What I _can't _do is allow this sin against The Maker to continue! Whether it is true or not, rumours sometimes hurt more than the truth!" the Revered Mother said firmly, her voice rising dangerously. "It is your choice, Hawke. Join the King's Army to fight the Darkspawn in the South and protect your little brother, or allow the Templars to take Leliana and yourself into custody. Need I remind you that a sin against The Maker such as this one is punishable by death if evidence it sufficient."

Hawke felt as though she had been punched in the chest. Anger rose inside her and she jumped to her feet, leaning over the table and squaring up to the Revered Mother.

"Don't you dare try to manipulate me by using my little brother's safety!" she yelled, furious at the act of blackmail. "I won't do what you ask! I always knew the Chantry was full of bloody hypocrites."

"I helped you!" The Revered Mother argued, also getting to her feet. "This is your calling, Hawke. I have set you on your path. You have no choice but to cooperate. I will not hesitate to arrest you on the spot."

"You can try to arrest me all you like, but leave Sister Leliana out of this. She's done nothing wrong," Lana said, a note of pleading in her voice.

"If you leave tomorrow and travel South with what remains of the King's Army, I guarantee you that Sister Leliana's life will be spared," the Revered Mother said. "...Is that enough of an ultimatum for you?"

A muscle flexed in Hawke's jaw. She couldn't believe it had come to this. _I'm being blackmailed by this Chantry prude?...Maker, I really hate religious people! _Without replying, Lana turned her back on the Revered Mother and stormed out.

"You have until dawn, Serah!" the Revered Mother yelled after her.

Lana shoved the door to the study so hard that it smashed off the stone wall with a crash, alerting several Chantry-goers who were kneeling in player in front of the altar. _I have to find Leliana! _Hawke thought desperately. She had no idea what they were going to do. She began to sprint the length of the aisle, exiting the Chantry building and running though the gardens to where Sister Leliana was thankfully tending to the same gnarled root on the ground that she so loved to visit. Lana took a deep breath and began to tell her what had just unfolded.

* * *

Leliana's knees gave way. She sank down onto the grass, holding her heart. Lana sat herself down beside her, placing a hand on her leg and squeezing her thigh comfortingly, having just told her she would be leaving to fight the Darkspawn at dawn the next morning.

"I'm sorry," she said, feeling responsible for everything. "If I had of just...left you alone instead of pursuing you we wouldn't even be in this mess, Lel."

"Lana, don't say that!" Leliana said, staring into her chocolate-brown eyes and feeling tears sting her own. "It was I who chased after you initially. You aren't the one to blame here, believe me."

A heavy silence fell over them.

"What are we going to do?" Hawke asked sadly. "I can't lose you, Leliana...Not this soon...We've only known each other for just over a year."

Leliana smiled at her sympathetically and touched her cheek. It was a cruel, cruel world they lived in. "We both knew this day would come, Lana," she said softly. "This was never going to last forever...Either of those offers from the Revered Mother will see us end up alone, the way we were meant to be it seems."

"At least if I go to fight the Darkspawn, I can save you though," Lana said, having told her of her decision to leave. Leliana shook her head.

"I can't ask you to do that for me," she said, "I don't deserve it, Lana..."

Hawke stared into her bright blue eyes. "You deserve a lot more," she whispered, giving her a small smile. "But I'm afraid this is all I can offer you..."

Leliana leaned in and kissed her, too heartbroken now to be cautious of the fact that they were in the Chantry Gardens with prying eyes all around them. _The Revered Mother already knows our secret anyway, _she thought, feeling a tear spill from her closed eyes as her lips pressed against Lana's for one of the last few times. _That's why she's sending Hawke away._ Their kisses were numbered now.

"I have to go," Lana whispered when they pulled apart. "I have to tell my family the news."

"Are you...Are you going to tell them about me?" Leliana asked, staring into her eye. Lana considered it.

"No," she said then, "I would so love to, Lel. You know how much I care about you...But I'm just not ready to come clean about my sexuality. Now's not the time."

Leliana smiled, understanding. "You need to soon though," she said, "Do not be afraid of your Mother, Lana. If she loves you, she will accept you for who you are, no matter what."

Hawke sighed. "What if she doesn't...?"

Leliana caressed her face and gave her a sympathetic smile. "Then she's a fool..."

Hawke's heart warmed at her words. She leaned in to kiss her once more. "Thank you," she said, "I really wish I didn't have to go."

"Don't worry," Leliana said. "Tell your family that you have enlisted to protect Carver. It's a little bit of the truth at least."

Lana smiled at her. "I'll miss you, Leliana," she said hoarsely, feeling her heart tear at the thought.

"Come and see me tonight," Leliana replied, "Please...I'd-I'd like to say goodbye properly."

Hawke hesitated. She desperately wanted to but it would be a bit of a risk. She realised though that she couldn't just leave things like this between them. Finally her mind was made up. "Of course," she replied, "The windmill?"

"At midnight," Leliana confirmed. "I have plans of my own to make in the mean time. I'm afraid I will no longer be able to stay here in the cloister after everything when you leave."

"I'm sorry," Lana said again, feeling responsible for messing her life up once more.

"Stop it!" Leliana scolded, seeing the needless guilt in her eyes. She didn't blame her in the slightest. _How could I? She saved me in the end._ Unable to resist, Leliana kissed her swiftly on the lips once more. "Now go!" she ordered, "You don't have much time to spare."

Hawke reluctantly turned away from her and began the long trek home, her heart beating frantically. This time tomorrow she would be facing the Darkspawn in the South, having left one of the most important people in her life behind, their tale of romance dying out with only the two of them aware of what they had shared together. No one would ever know how much they cared for each other. That in itself was the greatest shame of all.

* * *

"Sister, don't do this!" Bethany cried, hugging her around the neck. "Carver made his choice! Maker, I can't lose you as well!"

Hawke hugged her back. She had just finished packing her things, her daggers strapped to her back, ready to leave for Ostagar with the rest of the King's Army after informing the Commander there that she would finally be enlisting. To their delight, and her dismay, the army was leaving before midnight, meaning her planned rendezvous with Leliana wouldn't be possible. She couldn't stand the woman up though. She meant too much to her. She had to see her before she left.

"I'm sorry, Bethany," Hawke said, feeling her eyes well up with tears as her sister sobbed openly in front of her. "I don't want to go either, but I have to."

"Why?" Bethany wept, wanting to hold onto her forever. "You never cared about this before, Lana. Why now? Something must have happened."

Hawke pulled back and stared into her little sister's eyes, seeing the sadness in them and the intelligence. She had grown up so much in the last year. Lana sighed, brushing away a lock of her long brown hair, wishing she could pluck up the courage to tell her the whole truth. "Someday I'll tell you, Bethany...I promise."

Another tear leaked out of her sister's eye and she buried her face in her chest once more, sobbing loudly. Leandra watched her daughters, seeing the pain in Lana's face at the thought of leaving.

"Take care of your brother, won't you?" she asked. "He's a good boy."

Hawke released Bethany finally and kissed her on the cheek. She turned to Leandra and stared into her eyes. Something about their relationship had changed in the last few months. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but found that her mother continuously pointed the finger at her when things ever went wrong, whether trivial or not. Truth be told, there was more concern in her eyes for Carver when he left. Noticing this, Lana's eyes stung with tears. She had no idea what she had done wrong recently for her mother's love to change.

The hug Leandra gave her was awkward and forced. "Take care, darling. This is a brave thing you're doing. Remember though, Carver is your responsibility. Look after him."

Hawke nodded. "I will, Mother. Don't fret. We'll be back before you know it."

"I wish victory was indeed so certain," Leandra said grimly, patting her cheek. "May your father's spirit watch over you both."

Lana nodded and took a deep breath as she turned back towards her little sister. "I love you, Bethany," she said, kneeling down beside her. "Just in case I don't get to say it again..."

"I love you too, Lana," Bethany cried, "More than anything...I always will."

Hawke swallowed over the lump in her throat and hugged her little sister tightly once more. "Goodbye," she whispered, releasing her reluctantly and getting to her feet. She walked towards the door and turned the handle, taking one last look back at what was left of her family before leaving the home that had kept them safe for so long, ready to face an unknown enemy.

* * *

Hawke found she had little more than an hour to spare by the time she had reached Lothering. She informed the Commander that she was ready before leaving her weapons with him and sprinting towards the Chantry cloister in search of Leliana. She had never entered the cloister before, having been forbidden to by the Revered Mother and several Chantry Sisters. Today though, it didn't matter. Desperate to see Leliana one last time she pushed open the door and headed down the large hallway.

Thankfully, the room doors had names on their faces. Lana rushed along the hall, her footsteps echoing treacherously off the stone walls. It was getting late. She glanced at each name, her heart beating hard against her chest. _Sister Clarabelle, Ser Mabel, Sister Hannah, Sister Josephine...Sister...Leliana!_ Without knocking, Hawke opened the door and entered the bedroom.

Leliana turned around in fright as the door to her room burst open. She dropped the towel she was holding to the ground in surprise and stood completely naked, having just had a bath. Her jaw dropped.

"Hawke!? What are you-?"

Lana crossed the distance between them in one swift motion and her lips crashed down on Leliana's like a wave, a hunger in them that she had never experienced before. Leliana felt the woman guide her backwards onto the soft bed, kissing her furiously as though there was no tomorrow. _Well, for us there won't be, _she thought sadly. A moan of longing escaped her lips as Hawke's hands ran along her curves, turning her crazy with desire. She became instantly aware of her entire body, every sensation, every wet kiss that Lana began to leave along her collar bone as she made her way down along her body, eager and impatient, wanting everything all at once and not knowing where to start. Every single part of Leliana's body was tingling, completely alive. She gasped uncontrollably as Lana's hands explored the fullness of her breasts, massaging them gently before running her tongue teasingly along her pointed nipple, continuing onwards, kissing between her cleavage, then further and further down along her tense abdomen.

"Hawke..."Leliana moaned, resting her hands on the woman's head, intertwining them in her dark brown hair. Suddenly she felt the woman's warm mouth finally cover the throbbing, wetness in between her legs. "Uh, Maker!"

It was the most incredible sensation she had ever experienced, even better than the first time Lana had pleasured her this way. She couldn't help but cry out loud, too caught up in their last moments together to care about being caught by any of the Sister's in the bedrooms nearby who were probably trying to sleep. Lana's tongue was magical, teasing and taunting her body until the brink of control. Leliana's abs contracted and tensed as she squirmed under Hawke's weight, feeling the unbearable, torturing sensitivity of her desire as Hawke sent her into a quivering, mind-blowing climax.

Not giving her a moment's rest, Lana travelled back up to meet the woman's lips again, seeing her lying panting on the bed, completely overcome with emotions and lost in passion. Lana pressed a few fingers between her legs, curling them inside her and hearing continuous cries from the Chantry Sister. Fearing they would be caught, Lana covered her mouth with her own, demanding her attention once more and biting down on the woman's bottom lip teasingly. She could feel Leliana's hands slide up under her shirt and pull her closer, her nails dragging along her back she sent her body into a wave of unbearable satisfaction.

Hearing her cry out her name once more, Hawke finally relaxed. She lay flat on top of Leliana and retracted her hands from in between her legs and running them along the woman's perfectly toned, slightly scarred body. Leliana tucked her hand under Lana's chin and leaned up to kiss her once more before wrapping her arms around her neck and holding her tighter than ever before.

"I don't want you to go," she cried, feeling warm tears leak out the corners of her eyes.

"I know," Lana whispered back in her ear. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Leliana."

"Then don't leave," Leliana replied, burying her face in Hawke's neck. "Please..."

"I have to," Lana replied sadly, "It's the only way, Lel...and I would rather make sure my brother is safe instead of letting him do this alone. He's too cocky for his own good."

Leliana chuckled weakly. She placed both hands on Hawke's face and redirected her lips towards hers once more before pulling back and staring deeply into the brown eyes above her.

"I lov-"

Lana pressed her fingers to her lips to silence her. She shook her head, knowing she would fall apart if she heard those words.

"Don't," she whispered, "Please...This is hard enough as it is..."

She slid her fingers away from her mouth then felt Leliana exhale in sorrow.

"I do though," she cried, fresh tears streaming from her swimming blue eyes. Lana sighed and ran a hand through the woman's short red hair, cursing the Revered Mother for forcing this separation upon them. She wanted nothing more than to lay here with Leliana, snuggle in beside her and sleep by her side as every other person was allowed to do with their hearts desire. Yet for some reason, her life always seemed to be missing that part. Unable to lie there any longer and try to hold onto something that was already lost, Lana pulled back and straightened up off of Leliana. She slid off the end of the bed and got to her feet, readjusting her clothes and looking at the door. Leliana got up off the bed and pressed her naked self up against the woman's back. She brushed Lana's hair out of the way and placed a tender, warm kiss on the nape of her neck.

"Goodbye, Leliana," Hawke said, unable to look at her anymore. Leliana sniffled.

"Goodbye, Lana," she whispered, her heart shattering as Lana left her embrace and walked towards the door. She pulled it open and exited the Chantry Sister's bedroom, closing it behind her with a tight, definitive _snap!_ without looking back.

* * *

"CARVER!...CARVER!"

Hawke stumbled over a mutilated soldier, falling to the ground clumsily. She was completely out of breath, her arms heavy with the effort of swinging her blades. The red sky above her hypnotized her momentarily before she was attacked again.

"ARRGHHH!"

Using what she was sure was her last ounce of strength she cut off the head of what must have been the hundredth Genlock she had killed single-handedly today. They had been overrun from the beginning. Despite behind dubious at the beginning, Lana was sure that this was indeed a Blight, just as the Grey Warden Duncan had tried to warn them all. _Get up, Lana! Get up! _Steeling herself once more she heaved her tired, aching, blood-covered body up off the tainted forest floor and scanned the battlefield for any sign of her brother, whom she had caught a glimpse of a few seconds ago.

"CARVER!"

Her cries were drawn out by the numerous rattling Darkspawn breaths and shouts of desperate men as the King's Army were massacred mercilessly, with no sign of Teryn Loghain's men coming to save them. Suddenly a glint of silver caught her eye. It was Carver's long sword, the same one she had purchased for his seventeenth birthday a year ago, lying in a still figure's grasp.

"Brother!"

Instinctively Hawke fought her way across the battlefield surrounding the Ostagar ruins, killing every cursed beast that got in her way. She fell to the ground beside her little brother and shook him desperately.

"Carver, wake up! CARVER!"

He began to stir. With no time to spare, Lana pulled him to his feet and hauled him over her shoulder.

"FALL BACK!" a Commander was shouting, "RETREAT! WE'RE OVERRUN!"

Not needing to be told again Lana began to sprint north as best she could, holding her semi-unconscious brother on her shoulders.

"THEY'LL KILL US ALL! THEY'LL KILL US ALL!" a disturbed soldier was shouting hysterically. Suddenly he was cut down by a Darkspawn Hurlock.

Lana raced ahead. She looked behind her, seeing the massive Horde charging out of the wilds, seemingly multiplying by the second and chasing what remained of the Ferelden Army into the Korkari Wilds. Looking straight ahead Hawke kept her head down and bolted towards the vast forest as fast as her brother's weight would allow her. _I have to get home! _She thought desperately, _I have to reach Lothering before the Blight does!_

As soon as she reached the imaginary safety of the trees a massive dragon could be seen flying over head. She glanced up at the beast in awe, having never seen one before. _Now's not the time to stop and take notes, Lana! _Unable to travel any further with her brother and feeling him move she set him down and thrust the heavy sword into his hand.

"Are you alright?" she asked worriedly, glancing behind them. The Horde would catch up within minutes. They had to keep moving.

"Fine," Carver groaned picking himself up. "Come on! There isn't much time!"

"Took the words right out of my mouth, little bro," Lana replied following after him into the Korkari Wilds towards the other side where their family home was hopefully still standing on the outskirts.

A few hours later the two of them finally reached the clearing where their home lay surrounded by the trees. Lana's jaw dropped. The house was in flames, surrounded by Darkspawn stragglers who had it made it there first. They were too late.

"Damn it!" Carver cursed, swinging his sword at the nearest tree in despair. Hawke held a hand over her mouth. _Bethany! Mother! _she thought weakly. A furious scream erupted from the pit of her stomach, scorching her throat as it tore from her and echoed in the night. Tears fell down Carver's face for the first time in years. He withdrew his sword from the tree, revived by his elder sister's scream and released a war cry of his own, rushing recklessly towards the Darkspawn cluster in front of the burning ruins, closely followed by Lana.

"You bastards!" she cursed, cutting off the nearest one's head then piercing the other with her second blade, revelling in the black blood that was spurting from the open wounds. She saw her brother hack the same Hurlock over and over, showering himself in blood, furiously taking his anger and grief out on the wretched beasts. Lana placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

"Sshhh, brother... I've got you."

For the first time in his life, Carver didn't challenge her. He sank onto her shoulder and rested his head against hers, both of them staring up at their family home that was now completely destroyed. Suddenly the _Zap! Zap! Zap! _of a nearby spell broke them apart. Both of them looked at each other then glanced around them, having grown up with that sound their entire lives.

"There! Along the mountain path!" Carver yelled, "Come on, Lana!"

Hawke sprinted after him, her heart lifting. Her little sister was furiously battling a small cluster of Darkspawn that had evidently just chased them from their home. Leandra was cowering scared behind her.

"SISTER!"

Bethany's face lit up at her older sister's voice. She cast a protective barrier around her siblings with her staff as Carver came flying through the air and cut down the nearest tainted creature with one menacing swing. Lana swept up behind him, killing any peripheral figures and running towards her family. _Thank The Maker!_

She and Carver threw their arms around Bethany simultaneously, feeling dead on their feet and glad that she wasn't.

"Are you...are you crying, Carver?" Bethany whispered, stunned. Lana chuckled and ruffled her little brother's jet black hair.

"Of course!" he replied, "I thought I'd bloody lost you, Beth!"

Bethany hugged both her siblings tightly and kissed them both on the cheek before releasing them harshly and casting a ball of fire at more Darkspawn. There was an explosion of flames and the Hurlocks were burnt alive. Lana cut down the flaming, screeching figures and watched them fall to the ground, finally dead.

"I think that's all of them," Carver said, turning to his mother. Bethany and Lana hovered beside them.

"For the moment," his twin sister answered him.

"We've lost it all!" Leandra said sadly, "Everything your father and I built."

"At least we're still alive," Lana said optimistically.

"Yes, you're right," Leandra replied, rubbing her head.

"We should have left sooner, Mother! Why did we wait so long?" Bethany said, glancing at her brother and sister as though it was their fault unintentionally.

"Why are you looking at us? We've been running since Ostagar!" Carver replied angrily, massaging his bicep.

"Oh, great time to argue!" Lana interrupted sarcastically, "Shall me and Mother stand and wait for you two to finish while the Darkspawn close in on us!"

"Lana, now's not the time for your stupid jokes!" Leandra scolded a lot harsher than she usually spoke to her eldest. Hawke recoiled a little at her tone.

"I was just...Never mind...Let's go," she said, shaking her head, having little time to ponder her mother's rudeness. _Maybe she's just scared._

"Lead on then," Carver said, looking up to his elder for a change. Something about sharing the horrors of Ostagar together had brought them closer. Now that he had been able to prove himself and get out from his sister's shadow Carver seemed to respect her a lot more.

Lana began to lead her family up the mountain path they had taken so many times before, fighting through more Darkspawn along the way and protecting her mother with all her might. After half an hour or so, they had reach the part of the mountains that over looked Lothering. The village was already in flames. _The Darkspawn have got further than any of us ever expected, _Lana thought shocked. Her heart ached as she thought of Leliana. _Maker, I hope she's not..._She couldn't even allow herself to think the word.

"Where...Where are we going?" Bethany asked, out of breath from the climb.

"Away from the Darkspawn, Sister. Where else?" Carver replied lightly.

"And then where? We can't just wander aimlessly," she replied.

"I don't mind as long as we wander aimlessly away from the Horde," Lana joked.

"Maker's Breath, will you stop messing around, Lana!?" Leandra scolded. This time her hostility did not go unnoticed by the others. Bethany glanced at her strangely, wondering why her elder sister's comment had earned such wrath from their mother. "We will go to Kirkwall," Leandra continued, talking normally again.

"What? Why would we go there?" Lana asked in disbelief, "There are a lot of Templars in Kirkwall, Mother."

"I know that!" Leandra snarled, glaring at her eldest once more, "But we have family there, and an Estate."

Bethany groaned, "Then we need to get to Gwaren and take ship."

"If we survive that long," Carver said bitterly. "I'll just be happy to get out of-"

His words were drowned out by an approaching battle between a redheaded woman and none other than a Templar off all things. Before Lana could warn her sister, Bethany had shot fire bolt after fire bolt at the oncoming scuffle, saving their fellow refugees. Only afterwards when the smoke had cleared did she realise she had saved a member of the very organisation that had been hunting her and her father for their entire lives simply for having magic.

"S-stay away, Maleficar!" the Templar grunted.

She snorted in disbelief.

"Well, The Maker has a sense of humour, Darkspawn and now a Templar? I thought they all abandoned Lothering," she said bitterly, her voice heavy with irony. Lana chuckled a little, standing with her arms folded beside her sister as the redheaded, heavily-muscled woman tried to help the Mage-Hunter up onto his feet again. He seemed to be badly injured.

"Stop squirming, Wesley. You'll make it worse!" she said worriedly. She turned to Lana then. "My name is Aveline Vallen, and this is my husband Ser Wesley. We can hate each other when we're away from the battle."

"That woman is an apostate!" Wesley said, approaching her threateningly. "The Order dictates-"

Lana jumped in between them, staring at the man with dislike.

"Dear, they saved us," Aveline interrupted, seeing that Lana wasn't someone to be messed with. "The Maker understands."

"I...Of course," he relented, standing down, realising Lana wasn't going to.

"For now we should work together," Aveline continued, "North is cut off. We barely escaped the bulk of the Horde."

"And the wilds are to the South, that's no way out!" Carver interjected.

"If the odds are South or die, we go South," Lana said, still reeling from the Templar's gall to start something in the middle of a Blight. "You're free to come along, Aveline Vallen...and even your mage-hunting husband...for time being. As long as you know that I stand with my little sister to the death. I will kill you if you try anything, Templar."

"Understood," Wesley replied. Truth be told, he didn't look like he had the energy to do anything, let alone kill a fully-fledged apostate. He was losing a lot of blood as they stood around talking.

All of a sudden, they were surrounded by the oncoming Horde.

"There's no end to them!" Bethany yelled as she began firing spells into their midst. Aveline left Wesley's side and joined Lana and Carver in chopping down the Hurlocks as their little party became over run once more. Out of the corner of her eye, Lana spotted a massive horned ogre approaching her mother.

"MOTHER!" she yelled, "LOOK OUT!"

Leandra turned just in time to see the ogre reach down towards her. Suddenly Carver came flying out of nowhere, getting there first.

"You soulless bastards!" He yelled, diving in front of his mother and bringing his sword up to protect them from the flailing ogre fist. The sword collided with the ogre's armor hard, knocking Carver off balance with a shower of sparks. Lana couldn't fight through the battlefield on time. She watched in horror as her little brother was swept off his feet by the giant beast. Seeing the ogre lift him high in the air, she screamed, knowing what was coming before it happened. Carver's body was slammed off the ground continually, his bones crunching loudly, blood oozing through the ogre's finger's as it leaked from his broken body.

"NOOOO!" Lana yelled. She leapt off the ground as the ogre tossed her brother to the side and stabbed it with both blades right in the centre of the chest. The breast growled and howled in the night as Hawke twisted her blades in the place where its heart should have been. The mountainside shook like an earthquake and the giant ogre collapsed backwards onto the ground with Lana still swinging from her daggers, standing on its chest. She pulled them out in a blood fury and pierced the beast's head for good measure before jumping off its broad body.

Cries of despair nearby brought her attention back.

"Carver! CARVER! Oh, my little boy!"

"Brother!...NO!"

Lana sprinted over and collapsed to her knees at the sight, falling beside her mother as she clung to her little brother's mangled body. A small sob escaped her lips as Leandra rocked him back and forth. She placed a hand on her mother's shoulder.

"Carver gave his life to save ours," she said gently, trying to be strong for her. "At least Father won't b-be alone now."

"I don't want a hero!" Leandra snarled in despair, shaking her off. Lana recoiled and got back to her feet, feeling the anger radiate off her mother and project onto her. "I want my son!" She placed his head gently on the ground and got to her feet, turning angrily to her eldest daughter.

"HOW COULD YOU LET HIM CHARGE OFF LIKE THAT!?" Leandra yelled hysterically, showering her with spit.

"I...I'm sorry," Lana replied, hurt by her words.

"Sorry isn't good enough!" her mother replied, tears streaming down her face. "Sorry won't bring your brother back...My little boy...This is _your_ fault!"

"Mother!" Bethany cried, "No!"

Leandra was too far gone to be stopped now though. "You let this happen!" she yelled, poking Lana hard in the shoulder continuously. "You should have protected him!"

Hawke backed away from her mother, seeing the unforgiving look in her eyes. In that moment she realised that her heart had completely closed to her now. "Mother..."she gasped, taken aback by her accusations. _Was it my fault?...Am I responsible for my little brother's death?_

"Stop it, Mother!" Bethany cried as Leandra's cold eyes glared into her eldest's chocolate-brown ones, which were now filling with tears. She could see the guilt on her sister's face, and knew that Lana was blaming herself too, listening to every unfair word their mother screamed at her.

"It should have been you!" Leandra continued, slapping Lana's chest, "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU!...Not my little boy...Not my Carver..."

Lana felt her mother shove her back as she tried to hug her. Her foot caught on a stone and she fell backwards, landing on the hard ground, rejected by the very woman who had brought her into this world. She turned to Bethany, stunned. Her little sister was frozen to the spot. She watched a single tear fall from Lana's eye and stream down her dirty cheek, seeing a pain etched onto her face that words couldn't describe.

Leandra continued to fret over Carver's body, as the Templar guided his soul to The Maker, surrounded by the others. Outcast and in more pain than she had ever thought was possible, Lana got to her feet. She walked to the edge of the mountain and stared back at the burning village of Lothering in the distance. As Leliana's face entered her mind she found that not even the love she held for her could help her through this grief. Her brother had been killed in front of her eyes. Her mother had turned her back on her, blaming her in return. Wiping a silent tear away from her face, she heart the others mumble something about moving on and turned back, following behind them silently. One thing was for sure, losing Leliana and her brother all in the same day, Lana knew that her heart would never be completely whole again. She glanced at the back of Leandra Hawke who walked with Bethany ahead of her, and realised that any ounce of hope she'd left had just been shattered. Her mother had seen to that. Lana sighed. She didn't feel much like going to Kirkwall anymore. It would never be home. Stealing once last glance back at the smoking village in the distance behind her, Lana blew a kiss towards it, unbeknownst to the others. _Goodbye, Lothering... _She sniffed and wiped away another tear, thinking of the Orlesian bard. Her heart broke, realising she would never see her again. _Goodbye, Leliana..._

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys. I didn't intentionally set out to write this much (but when do I ever? lol) The sequel to A Pirate's Charm is already being written as I was doing both stories simultaneously. I will have it uploaded in the next few days or so. Hope you all enjoyed this little prequel and stick around for Isabela and Lana's adventures post DA2. Thanks to everyone who took the time to reviews _Gracias a todos. Adiosss TSOA ;)_**


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